Prince Charming's Diary 5

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Prince Charming's Diary

Prince John

Day One

I am nineteen years old, nearly twenty. I have really black ragged hair, that never stays flat, and a beard that refuses to grow beyond a sick wispy thing. I am a very boring person, I will admit. I have read some of my brothers diaries and know that I will have nothing interesting to write. Jaden and his wife Elaine are ruling her father's kingdom now. Justin and his wife Eleanor, are ruling her father's kingdom. James and his wife Belle are ruling what used to be Grandfather's summer palace. Joseph, my twin brother, refuses to rule any place, he would rather be a thief, I am not sure if I should be embarrassed or not. Mother refuses to speak to him anymore. But even he is married. Her name is Rapunzel. Unfortunately she is a thief and was raised by a witch. At least that is what Joseph says, but I have long learned that one can never really believe Joseph. He exaggerates like crazy.

The reason why I have started this diary was because I need someone to complain too. James and Belle have the ugliest little girl ever. Jaden and Elaine have the ugliest little boy. With this kind of record I shudder to imagine what Joseph and Rapunzel's child looks like. Mother will not let them come back home, so I guess I will never know. Justin and Eleanor have twins, that surprisingly, do not look to bad. But guess who has the job of big loveable boring uncle babysitter? Yes, me! Four children, and three of them boys. I have to take care of them all! I am terrified that there will be more coming. In fact I know another one is coming. Elise says they are all adorable. She must be addled somewhere. Elise is my little sister. Jerome is my little brother. Neither of them are married. Luckily for me, or I would obviously be invited to visit them every other week and end up non-stop babysitting. Now before you all die of boredom, I shall stop writing.

Day 2

Master Won is the most annoying person I have ever known. Besides advising father, he is a dancing instructor. He has taught all of my siblings and myself how to dance. Only Elise, Jerome and I still take lessons now. But anyway about Master Won. I have made a list of his most annoying quirks.

1. He is shorter then all of us. About 5' 3'' I think.
2. He wears spectacles
3. He talks with a stupid accent
4. He thinks he is charming
5. He has better manners then me
6. He looks down on me
7. He picks favorites
8. He eats really slowly
9. He wears perfume
10. His dancing shoes are hideous.

I could go one, but I believe I have made a point. Anyway, he has been trying to teach Jerome the spin dance for five years now. Jerome stops listening after the first five seconds. By the time Master Won has finished demonstrating with either Elise or his assistant, Jerome will have this glassy look in his eyes, and has just finished putting the finishing touches on three different major battle plans, yet he can remember nothing about the dancing. I learned it by watching it so many times. UGH!

Day 3

My third day writing in my diary of complaints. Imagine that. I have not quit yet. Perhaps there is still hope for me. Anyway, today's complaints. Next to Master Won, the worst person I know is Sir Patrono. First of all that is not a name that can even be pronounced, secondly he is a first rate foreigner who is an even bigger jerk. Here is my list if dislikes about him.

1. He brags about how amazing he is
2. He thinks everyone in his rotten kingdom is better then me
3. He is a foreigner
4. He thinks I am a wimp
5. He freaks out if anyone touches his precious sword
6. Rants about the decline of the seven kingdoms
7. Talks about the good old days nonstop (he cannot be much older then Jaden, what on Royaume is the good old days?)

Imagine that only seven problems. I must admit Sir Patrono is better then Master Won. They did not like each other. This morning, as Sir Patrono was coming out of the stable with his precious sword, Master Won came mincing out of the garden and tripped the knight. Sir Patrono fell flat on his face. I must admit I laughed. Elise said she would have laughed if it was anyone else except Master Won tripping him. Elise cannot stand the dancing instructor. Jerome on the other hand, loves him. Maybe because Master Won never punishes him for not listening in class. Jerome is definitely teacher's pet. I must go now, because Jerome and Elise just shot over the shrubbery, that means I have to babysit someone. Hopefully not the little beast.

Day 4

Oh yes everyone, rejoice another day to listen to my complaints. Sometimes, my dear diary, I think you are my only friend! You certainly are the only one who listens to me. Anyway, today Ben Horsemaster taught me how to ride backwards on a horse. Why do I need to ride backwards on a horse? When Jerome voiced this question, the horsemaster started roaring with laughter. Obviously he thought something was hysterically funny about it. It was not until Jerome and I both threatened to drown him and all the horses, that he finally explained.

“If your horse is galloping away from an enemy, and you have a bow, you can easily sit backwards on the horse and shoot comfortably, instead of twisting around into an uncomfortable precarious position.” he explained. How dumb.

“Did you invent this new miracle of a position?” Jerome asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“No, an old acquaintance of mine did.” Ben said coolly, “A Shadow Warrior!” What is a Shadow Warrior?

Oh, I forgot to give you my list of grievances against the hysterical horsemaster. It will probably be short, because I like him better then the others.

1. He is always laughing and not sharing the joke
2. He is a foreigner
3. He thinks my beastly niece and nephews are adorable
4. Sometimes he teaches us dumb things and thinks they are amazing

So you can see, he less of a list then my other two teachers. But I still would prefer it if I did not have to take any of these lessons. Father says if I am going to rule his kingdom, I have to be smarter then all my brothers combined. It is not fair. Jaden is the real heir. Why do I have to rule in his place, just because Elaine's father had no sons, and made him heir is hardly an excuse. I think he would be quite capable of ruling two kingdoms.

Day 5

Today, I decided that I had had enough! Enough as in enough! I was going to leave home. I was old enough! My patience has worn thin. If Master Won tells me to stop and smell the roses one more time, I am so going to kill him! Big time! Well, anyway I borrowed an old pair of Joseph's clothes. The pair he used when he was dropped in a rose bush from a tower window, or whatever really happened. Once I put the clothes on, I rumpled up my hair, and looked in the mirror. I looked like a peasant My plan was working! I sneaked out to the stable and put the plainest saddle on my horse. Well, I got to say it was the plainest saddle, but it still had solid silver trimming on it. Stupid! Perhaps I shall write some more when I have something of interest to say.

Day 6

Well, I have something interesting to say! UGH! My aching back! Yesterday I achieved my greatest desire and got lost in the darkest part of the forest. There is a quote that says, “Adventures are not all picnics and singing under the stars.” Whoever said that would be right. Adventures are terrible. Today, my horse threw me. I swear it was the deepest puddle of quicksand on Royaume. I sank all the way up to my waist before I managed to pull myself out. Now only three short hours later, which is next door to an eternity, I feel like I was made of clay. UGH! What I would give for a hot bath, and a clean shirt. This peasant business is killing me! Now I have to trudge around on foot. I even lost a shoe in the mud, so I am currently hopping around on one foot. It is very painful. I hope the world ends soon. That would solve all of my problems! People say royalty have easy lives. Well, they are mistaken.

Day 7

This morning I was shivering and very hungry. Whoever said one could live on berries and roots ought to have his tongue ripped out. Does anyone realize if you are going to tell someone to live on roots, you better give him a seven hundred page manual with vivid pictures and hearty descriptions of what not to eat. I vomited after eating my first root, which tasted like a cross between a hunk of very dirty wood and something the cat dragged in. Do not ask who this cat is or what it dragged in. Anyway, I was cold and hungry, there was not a single berry in the whole rotten forest, when I saw her. Who is her? I do not know, it was just her. She was short, with wispy brown hair. Not very beautiful or very ugly, just plain. Her face was smudged with something black, and her dress was ragged and torn. She also had a basket of berries over one arm. Where did she get berries from in this barren forest? I trudged up to her, my eyes not leaving the basket. She jumped. I bet she was not used to meeting a man made of half clay.

“Good morning, sir.” she said politely. She had nice manners.

“Good eve fair lady.” I muttered, hoping I sounded like a peasant, “Lovely berries you have there. Quite beautiful. So plump and delicious looking.” Her brown eyes started twinkling. I decided that she was pretty in her own way.

“You hungry?” she asked as she offered me the basket.

“Yes, my lady.” I whispered and took a handful. I hate berries but believe me when I tell you that nothing ever tasted better then those small red sour berries. I ate two handfuls before I remembered my manners. Master Won would have starved rather then take the berries, the irritating quack.

“When was the last time you ate?” she asked quietly. I thought.

“Two days ago, not counting the root.” I admitted, “But by the time I had removed all traces of that from my stomach, I was even hungrier.” The girl laughed. A warm pleasant laugh.

“Please eat more, I can always find more.” she argued. I gave in to the temptation of one more handful, before backing away again.

“Thank you, my lady.” I said in what I hoped was a kind tone. She stared hard at me.

“You speak funny.” she said after a pause. I was scared that she would discover who I was.

“Come back in two days and I will bring you payment.” I gasped and fled into the forest.

“Wait, what is your name?” she yelled after me.

“John!” I cried.

“I am Ella Marie.” she called. Ella Marie? What an odd name. Why did I promise to go back? I thought peasants always got upset when you offered to pay for their charity.

Day 8

I returned home and found my blasted horse all nice and clean. Ben was combing his hideously smooth and shiny locks.

“Oh good gracious, your highness!” he gasped, “You have seen better days!”

“Whatever you were going to say, forget it!” I rasped and rushed inside. My priorities were to find a piece of meat and a tub full of hot water. But unfortunately on route who should I run into, but Master Won and my sister Elise. UGH!

“John, were in the name of great wonders have you been?” Elise cried, “Mother is worried sick!” Master Won took a lacy handkerchief out of his belt and held it to his noise.

“Where ever you were, it sure stinks!” he said coolly. Then he walked off with mincing steps. I am so going to kill him one of these days!

“Oh John.” Elise said, “You are a mess, just like-” she pinched her lips shut and marched off. Some welcome! But it is strange, but I have never been compared to my twin before. She did not say it out loud, but I know that is who she was comparing me too. I guess Joseph and I have a little bit in common.

Day 9

I brought two razzleberry tarts and jar of cold nog to the forest today. I figured I should pay for Ella Marie's berries with more food. Mostly because I suppose I had no idea how much everything costs. I usually get my food already served on a plate or just shoot it and leave it for the servants to take care of. All the way to the forest I was worrying whether Ella Marie would be in the forest. But I need not have worried. She was waiting for me in the forest. She was sitting with her back to a tree. In one hand she had a stick thing with what looked like a pile of fluff on it. A string of fluff was running down to a spindle thing which she was holding in her other and spinning. The fluff was turning into string. It was almost like magic.

“What is that?” I asked, setting the basket of tarts and nog down and running over to her.

“You look different, somehow.” she said, as she sat up straighter. I looked down at my clothes. They were my oldest pair. Maybe three months old, and they were made with gold string. Maybe it was my hair she was talking about. It was brushed after all.

“I do not really think so.” I said. I went retrieved the basket and handed it to her.

“What is this?” she asked.

“Lunch, I suppose.” I said, “But could you please show me how to turn that fluffer stuff into string!” she raised one eyebrow.

“You want to use a spindle and distaff?” she asked. The names did not sound familiar, but it had to be better then dancing.

“Sure.” I said. So we sat there in the ferns, under the shady trees, eating tarts and drinking nog, while using the spindle and distaff. It was a lot of fun. But for some odd reason she seemed to regard it as a chore. Perhaps she would prefer to dance all day and could use the thingamajig. It almost seems like an unfair deal, though. When the sun started setting, we said goodbye. I suggested she come back the next day and bring her toy.

“Toy?” she looked down at the thingamajig, “I would never have called it that. But I cannot come, I have to go to the market.” Well that was disappointing. I was starting to think she could be a real friend.

“How about the day after?” I suggested halfheartedly. She shook her head.

“I must prepare a banquet for my sisters.” she said.

“Then can I at least help?” I asked dismally. If I could not escape into the woods and use the spindle and distaff again, I would have to stay home and take dancing lessons from shorty.

“You want to help me cook?” she laughed, “All right, meet me here, and I will come get you.” She got up and left. I can hardly wait. I am going to go help cook. It will be amazing. If I had been Joseph I would have been turning cartwheels in my excitement.

Day 10

Today passed so slowly, but I was careful to get all my sword moves right, otherwise Sir Patrono was sure to complain to mother or father and I would have to spend all my free time practicing when I planned to be at Ella Marie's house. I brought the subject of the mysteries of cooking, to Elise and Jerome when we were perched on the fence pretending to study Ben's riding techniques.

“Ew!” Elise said, “Cooking turns your hands red and makes them all hard.”

“Not to mention all the bloody animals you have to touch!” Jerome laughed, “You gotta rip out their innards! SLURP!” He pretended to be sucking a noodle. Elise's face turned an unhealthy color. I smacked Jerome, and he fell off the fence.

Later as I was rummaging through the books in the library for my favorite one on Jack and the giant cornstalk, Master Won came and told me that my mother wanted to see me. I was certain that Jerome had complained about me shoving him off the fence. Nevertheless I marched into her chamber. She was sitting on her chair with her maids all around her.

“John, Master Won needs to finish your portrait.” she said. The dreaded portrait was the most repulsive thing ever. I had to sit on a saddle, that was perched on the back of a wooden beam. It was supposed to give the illusion of a horse. It gave me the illusion of a nightmare. To make matters worse, I had to sit absolutely still with my drawn sword held above my head. It had taken almost two years so far. Now all that was left was the face. I had just begun to hope they had forgotten about it. The ridiculous horse contraption was in mother's own chamber. She wanted to to oversee the painting herself. I went and changed into my stupid jacket with the gold braid, then got onto the back of the most uncomfortable shiniest saddle in the kingdom. I held my sword up while Master Won pulled on his smock. He was humming a little tune about the victory that his people had achieved over something else, probably pigs, I do not know. What I wanted to know, was why I had to dress up when he only needed to paint my face.

Master Won wet all his brushes, touched up various spots on the horrible painting, then he started on my face.

“Mother, why does it have to be done today?” I grumbled.

“Because your balls shall be announced in two days.” was the most unexpected of replies.

“My what?” I gasped.

“A ball is where you dance, of course.” Master Won said in his silly chirpy voice.

“No one asked you.” my mother said sharply.

“Or course.” Master Won said with a deep bow, which landed his head on his palette. Served him right.

“Why do I need a ball?” I asked.

“To find and marry a princess of course!” mother said quickly, “Your portraits are going to go to all the great kingdoms. You shall marry one of their most beauteous daughters.” I shuddered. How horrible. I would rather die then become the husband of a most beauteous princess with a silly name like Shaliezeralla. At least I had the tomorrow to look forward too.

Day 11

Ella Marie was waiting for me when I rushed into the clearing today. I had gone straight from horse lessons, so I was still in my white and gold riding outfit. It was one of those expensive silk ones, with nasty little tassels on the shoulders. The horrible things are constantly flying into everything, including my mouth. They also pointed me out as a spoiled prince. UGH! But luckily for me my horse had threw me into a mud patch so it was a lot less white, then it had been, and certainly less elegant. It was also a little harder to tell that I was nobility. Just imagine how terrible it would be if Ella Marie found out that I was really a prince. She would probably think I had lied to her all along. I did not mean to deceive her into believing that I was common peasant. But it is to late to change that now. She would probably hate me.

When, I arrived at the meeting place, Ella was holding two enormous baskets, that were simply stuffed with all manner of food. They were way to heavy for one girl to carry. I ought to know, because I took them from her. I very nearly fell over from the weight. They were three- no five times as heavy as I had expected. I staggered around a bit, biting my lips to keep from cursing. Why did this crazy girl not hire a few strong boys to carry her baskets for her?

“You do not have to carry them for me.” Ella said quickly. She tried to take both the baskets from me. No man should allow a girl to carry all that weight by herself, especially a prince. I would not let her take the baskets. We played tug-a-war briefly. I am proud to say I won! Master Won could not fault me for my gallant manners today, except I accidentally knocked Ella down, while pulling away from her. After the tug-a-war battle Ella led the way to her house and I limped after her, trying not to be flattened by the baskets. They weighed more then I did. I soon discovered that I ached all over. The miserable baskets jounced against all my bruises. Thanks to my horse, I had about three million.

Ella's house was almost like a miniature castle. It was made of white and blue stone, and had light blue banners flying from the many turrets.

“Nice.” I commented.

“Lets use the back door.” she muttered, ignoring my compliment. I was surprised. I have never used the back door before for anything. That is the servants entrance. What kind of family does Ella Marie have? It was very interesting to sneak through the back gate, through a garden full of fat orange pumpkins and lizards and into the house through the tiny kitchen door. I barely managed to squeeze through the door. The two baskets added nearly three feet to my waist.

Besides never having used a back door, I have also, never been in a kitchen. A kitchen is like a whole new world. There was food everywhere. I have never seen a cat catch a mouse, then start roasting it over the fire either. But that was the first thing I saw after noticing the food.

“You hire, cats to cook for you?” I asked incredulously. Master Won would probably explain how that is all the latest rage. I think it must be really gross.

“You miserable cat!” Ella screeched and threw an egg at the cat. The egg missed and splattered on the floor. The cat dropped the mouse and started eating the egg. If you ask me, it was a plot.

“Did you mean to do that?” I asked.

“Get the cat out of here!” Ella cried as she reached for another egg. Personally I think the mouse should have been disposed of first. But I did not argue. Instead I dropped both baskets and leaped at the cat. The cat dived between my feet, tripping me. I fell sprawling, and grabbed for the only thing within reach. The kettle hanging over the fire. A searing pain rushed through my hand. I leaped three feet into the air, knocked my head against the mantle piece and started doing a dance that would have made Master Won proud.

By the time I had begun the encore for the dance, Ella had chased the cat out of the kitchen with a broom, put the food on the table, greased a white napkin and shoved me down in a chair.

“Merciful Dragons.” she cried, “Do you have any sense? No one grabs a boiling pot.” The grease on the napkin was soothing to my hand, so I stopped cursing, long enough for her to bandage my hand.

“Why are there no warning signs?” I complained, “Watch out, this pot will try to kill you, might be good.” Ella sighed.

“You just sit here, I will start cooking!” she said, and pushed her hair out of her face. I immediately forgot my pain.

“No, I am ready to help.” I cried. She sighed again.

“I was afraid of that!” she whispered. Now what could she have meant by that?”

“This is a spoon!” Ella said, as she picked a large wooden spoon. I knew what a spoon was, but this thing was monstrous. A dragon could use it.

“Are you sure?” I asked, as I took it. She made a grab at it.

“You should really sit down.” she pleaded. I backed away from her. I suppose, she did not want a guest to be working for her, but could she not realize that I wanted too?

Ella, showed me how slowly to stir the gravy. I never realized that gravy could turn into rocks. She showed me how to bone a fish. Who knew that fish was all bone and no fish? She showed me how roll out dough into loaves of bread. Did anyone know that uncooked bread works better then glue? She showed me how to cut onions. I must say that it is very unnatural to cry buckets of tears for some disgusting veggie, but not shed a single tear at my aunt's funeral. Ella, sure had me moving around really fast, once she got over her qualms about a guest helping with the work. Did you know, that if you chop a chicken's head off, it will keep rolling and hopping around. I killed five of them, because it was so entertaining. Ella must have gotten jealous because she took the ax, and sent me to skin two rabbits for the pie. That was really disgusting. I chased two rabbits throughout the garden, ripping up veggies and fruits that happened to stick their noses in my path. I finally caught one rabbit, by throwing a pumpkin at it. I really flattened it. There was not much left to look at, when I picked up the pumpkin. That was when I noticed the nice little cage full of rabbits. WHY? I could have saved myself the trouble of so much running. I buried the squashed rabbit under a flowerpot, then carried three squirming rabbits into the kitchen. Maybe there was a special way to skin them.

Ella was not in the kitchen, but three other women were. I stared at them, while the rabbits, kicked, squirmed and bit me.

“Who in the blazes are you?” the oldest woman snarled.

“Who are you?” I asked.

“I am Lady Miranda, you clod!” she screamed, “I own this barn!” There was no way, this clod was going to believe that. Then the rabbits exploded from my grip and chased each other across the table.

“Get them off!” the shortest girl screamed, and fainted into her sister's arms.

“Mum, Hazel fainted again!” the taller girl whined, while trying to fan her sister. Lady Miranda ignored them. Instead she struck me.

“Get them off the table, you fool!” she screamed. I grabbed the broom, and started sweeping it at the rabbits. I missed all of them and swept the three pies off instead.

“Mum, that is dinner!” Hazel's sister screeched. Hazel exploded out of her faint and started screaming.

“Get that dirty broom off the table?” Lady Miranda bellowed.

“Where is Cinders?” Hazel screamed as she leaped onto a chair to avoid the rabbits, who were leaping onto the floor.

“Who?” I asked as I leaped at the rabbits and accidentally spilled a bucket of water.

“Get out of my house!” Lady Miranda screamed and threw a cat at me. Where did that monster come from? I am sure it was the same one who tripped me, earlier. I hate cats!

“Get out!” both girls howled. I left. On the way out I bumped into Ella in the yard.

“What happened?” she cried, “You look like a-.”

“There are three witches inside!” I yelled and streaked for the woods. Afterwords I felt a little ashamed of my conduct. But what can one do with a witch and her two mangy apprentices? Are they really Ella's family?

Day 12

Today, I was just beginning to get over my fright the horrible Lady Miranda had given me, when Mother called me to her room. She looked much worse then she had last time I visited.
“John, why are you trying so hard to be like your brothers?” she asked. I had not realized that.

“I am?” I asked.

“John, the ball will be announced today.” she said sharply, “You will have extra dancing lessons and three new suits of the finest cloth!” Three suits? This is so not fair!

“Er- why three, I will not be changing in the middle of the dance, will I?” I asked in dismay.

“Three balls!” Mother informed me. THREE? Who needs three balls? That was was even more unfair, then the three suits.

“Because it is all the rage.” Mother said. I should have guessed as much.

The minute I left my mother's chamber, I bumped into Jerome and Elise. Jerome was telling her several different ways to skin a deer. Elise looked bored.

“Who needs three balls?” I cried. They stared at me.

“What?” Elise gaped, “Who is having three balls?”

“I will most certainly not be attending.” Jerome said, “The very idea of dancing all night with some stupid young princess that I never met, is the worst thing-”

“I am!” I interrupted, “Mother says I am having three balls and three new suits! It was bad enough having one ball, but three- it is to horrible!” Elise patted me on the arm, like I was a puppy, or something.

“There, there Johnny.” she cooed, “Everything will be quite alright.”

“Maybe you will meet your darling on the first night.” Jerome suggested, “Then you, of course, will not be so miserable the other three nights.” I scowled, then rushed past them. Their false sympathy was killing me.

“After all you will be king of father's lands!” Elise yelled after me, “You must have three elegant and stately balls!” Now I not only have to be king, but I have to have three balls and three suits too! Life is so unfair!

Day 13

Today, Master Won and Elise went to the tailor with me. It was torture. The stupid tailor had already pieced together my disgusting blue silk robe, but he needed to adjust it to fit. I believe he poked me with at least five hundred pins. Why did it have to be a a robe anyway.

“You should add a ribbon somewhere!” Elise told the tailor.

“The Princess is so intelligent.” the tailor praised. He made me sick.

“NO ribbons!” I snarled.

“Perhaps knee length breeches with ribbons around the cuffs would look more appropriate.” The evil Master Won suggested. He was so going to pay for that.

“I shall do so for the second suit.” the tailor cooed. I was so going to have him executed.

“What about the third night?” Elise asked, “It has to be the most glorious suit of all!”

“I have it figured, my sweetest princess.” the tailor said, “He shall have a long ankle length cloak of peacock feathers, and-”

“Stop!” I cried in horror, “Did you say peacock feathers?”

“You will be so handsome!” Elise cried, as she clapped her hands.

“Very dignified.” Master Won added.

“I will look like a disgusting bird!” I wailed.

“We must fit with the theme.” the tailor said firmly.

“What theme?” I asked with a shudder.

“Peacocks of course!” Elise said.

“Ugh!” I cried. Who had a peacock themed ball?

“We must not, of course, forget that the first theme is Desert tribes.” Master Won said.

“What?” I gasped. The tailor held up the blue silk coat. I had been wondering why it was so big.

“A long desert robe of the richest blue silk in the world.” he said.

“Eek!” I choked. I did not dare ask what the theme for the second night would be.

“Knee length breeches, of course, will go quite well with the pirate theme for the second ball.” the tailor said. If I had been a very little younger, I may just have burst into tears.

Day 14

Today, Jaden, Justin and James arrived with their wives and ugly little offsprings. I almost did not mind having to babysit them. At least it kept my mind off of the miserable inevitable that was to happen tomorrow night.

“You must feel pretty special!” James said, “Three balls without asking!” Back, before he had married Belle, he would always demand parties in his honor. I had to say, marriage improved him.

“Not in the least!” I retorted, “I have to dress up like an idiot!” James snickered at me.

“But that girl you are always going to see will come, of course!” Justin said, “That should make you happy.” What does he mean by that? I never told anyone about Ella Marie.

“I have to go.” Elise muttered and took off. I was furious. Elise was telling our brothers that I was going to see a girl. I was, but that was beside the point. She could have been wrong. UGH! It is so going to be a long day.

Day 15

I felt like an idiot in my desert themed suit. But at least I did not have to wear a turban. James was wearing one, and it looked like the cloth was trying to eat his head. Most disturbing. I was not any more pleased with the guests. They arrived in their silly costumes, were announced by the pompous steward, came in and got into a very long line to be introduced to me and my family. Good thing Joseph was not here. He would have started a few wars with his perfectly “honest” comments, that would have greatly offended everyone. I wished I had his spunk so I could make a few. After all the silly princesses in their sweeping brightly colored tunics and baggy trousers, the less noble people started coming in. Master Won tried to get me to engage in a conversation with a princess. Her name started with Shel, but I do not remember the rest. I am sure it was not important. I was to busy watching for Ella Marie to pay much attention to her. I remember one princess was carrying around two axes. I believe she was a raider girl. Why would my parents invite a raider princess?

The doors were shut and the musicians started to play a low melodious waltz. A waltz I was supposed to dance. There was no Ella Marie, and Princess Shel- what's her name, was standing uncomfortably close. I dodged past her, ignored Master Won's wild hand signals, and took my mother's hand. She did not looked pleased. What could I say, she was the most attractive lady there. I felt awkward and stiff dancing in front of so many people. But lucky for me, mother was a graceful dancer. I could not help noticing how gray mother's hair was, how thin and pale she looked. I hoped it was just the lights, making her looks so old and sick. Or just because she was angry I was not dancing with the Shel princess. When the dance finished, I returned mother to her chair. The dumb musicians started playing the same dance again. I could hear the crowd stirring. I could not believe it. They were still going to make me dance a “first” dance. Princess Shel-whatwasit, was edging towards me. I hastily pounced on Elise. A groan went up from the crowd.

“Stop stalling dumb brain!” Elise hissed in my ear as we waltzed onto the floor.

“I do not want to dance with the shell princess!” I hissed back.

“You mean, Shelwona?” she replied, “You have good taste in refusing her.” Elise's lips curled in a sneer. Once the dance finished. The musicians of course, started the same really lame dance over again. Everyone was looking expectant. I had no one left to ask, except a perfect stranger. I was tempted to grab the serving maid, Lucinda, I think her name was, and dance with her, even though she was holding a tray of sweetmeats. I felt like a hawk.

Suddenly, the doors swept open and a perfectly strange, but an extremely beautiful woman came sweeping through them. Her dress was long and white with a train and made of linen or something that was definitely not silk. Over the top of it, was a thin layer of lace. Her shoes were sparkling satin. Her hair was down, and she were a flower wreath made with real pearls. I was terrified of her. She swept down the steps, and came strait for me. I wanted to melt. Beautiful women were on the top of my list as the most terrifying thing to talk to. But at least she was not dressed like every other person in the room. She walked up to me. She was short. Almost a head shorter then me. Then she laughed. It was a warm pleasant laugh, almost like Ella Marie's laugh, but not as pleasant.

“John?” she said. She even called me by my own name like Ella Marie. This was weird. She had the same brown colored hair. But her's seemed so much thicker. Then I noticed Lady Miranda and her two horrible daughters. They were glowering at me. I almost laughed. HA! They probably felt terrible about the way they had treated me. Feeling good, I bowed to the beautiful lady.

“Would you care to dance?” I asked. I thought I might as well dance one dance with her. The musicians would not leave me alone until I danced with someone besides family. She smiled and took my hand. Well, at least mother would be happy I was dancing with a princess.

I was wrong. I did not dance only one dance with the princess. I danced every one with her, except the ones I danced with my sisters-in-law. Belle is a terrible dancer. Good thing James is so skilled. He can teach her. Ugh, my feet. Eleanor is really good, to bad Justin is not. Elaine is fairly tolerable. Rapunzel is the best though. You might be wondering how I know, it is because she and Joseph came to the ball. Both disguised. He came up to me, and we talked briefly, then I danced with Rapunzel, while he sneaked around and visited the rest of our brothers. I hope he does not make a lot of trouble. After that, I danced with the mysterious princess again. When I asked for her name, she looked like she was going to cry. But then she told me it was Lady Cinderella. So not a princess after all. But who would be cruel enough to name their daughter, Cinderella?

Cinderella was a good dancer, and it was pleasant enough dancing with her, especially after she taught me the peasant reel out in the garden. That was much more entertaining. It is a skip dance, so we linked arms and danced around, and of course tripped over her train. Then we both laughed. I still like Ella Marie better. I was in the middle of teaching her how to do the Pirate jig, when the clock started striking midnight. My goodness, that means it is actually day sixteen.

Day 16

“What time is it?” Cinderella asked, her face turning the color of split pea soup. At least that is what it looked like in the candlelight.

“Midnight!” I said as I pointed at the clock. Lady Cinderella let out the most undignified screech I have ever heard. Then she yelled something about a pumpkin, a bunch of animals and a fairy. Then she ran off. She literally just ran and left me standing there awkwardly. My Ella Marie would never have done such a terrible thing. I am highly displeased. But my family has a history of trouble with fairies. So I cannot really blame Cinderella.

After Cinderella left, there really was not anything to do. I had no wish to dance with any princesses. Especially princesses that will take that as a sign that I shall marry them. But when I do not, they will declare war on us. Now that would just be really mean. So I did what I thought was the best thing someone in my predicament could do. I went to bed. After all I was really tired. I cannot be expected to stay up all night and still be away in the morning. I plan to sleep all day. That way my family cannot start screaming at me. A fellow needs his rest after staying up until Midnight.

Day 17

I ventured downstairs today. Perhaps the details of the Ball will be a bit hazy now and no one will comment on my sudden disappearance. Father looks up from his breakfast pork chop.

“Sooooo, where did you disappear to last night?” he asks, and he says it in this really annoying voice.

“I did not see that mysterious princess for a long time.” Jerome says looking at me with an obviously fake innocent look.

“I did not see you at all yesterday!” Elise comments, while smiling evilly.

“Were you by chance writing to a girl?” Jerome asks as he rubbed his hands together, looking like a villain.

“Remember when writing poetry for your lady friend, do not rate her below the gold!” James said. Belle nodded firmly.

“She will never marry you!” she said. James rolled his eyes. Then he began to chant.

“I love gold!

I love satin cloaks!

I love my food!

But you are just as good too!

I rank you just below the gold!

You of course wish to be queen!

You shall be my queen!”

Belle threw her plate at him, then chased him out of the hall. For a woman six months expecting she certainly could move fast. There ugly little girl ran after them screaming.

“Mama, don't hit papa! MAMA!” They all disappeared, leaving us in peace.

“Sooo you were saying John?” Jerome asked quickly bringing up the subject of me again.

“I was resting!” I muttered, “You made me stay up until midnight! I need my sleep!”

“Well, get ready, get set, get going for tomorrow!” Jerome yelled.

“That is the pirate ball, right?” Justin asked.

“I am so excited!” Elise cried as she clapped her hands and bounced up and down.

“Try feeding an excitable two year old!” Jaden griped as he shoveled a spoonful of mashed prunes into his one year old son's mouth. The evil child promptly spat it across the room.

“Tell your son to keep his goo on himself!” Eleanor screeched as she wiped the prunes off herself. Justin smiled sweetly and handed her his handkerchief.

“Why are we having a pirate theme?” Jerome asked, “I thought pirates were bad?”

“Ask your mother!” father grumbled, “I have no comment.”

“Pirates raid and steal from us, why celebrate them?” Jaden asked.

“Ask your mother!” Father said again.

“No one answered me.” Justin complained, “Is the pirate ball tomorrow or later?” I slunk out of the room.

Day 18

The ship decorations were nice. I liked the rock formations around the pond in the garden. They made one think of mysterious treasure caves. But believe me, I have seen father's sea reports. Pirate attacks! Pirates attacks! Pirate attacks! Plus dead people! Why on Royaume would mother want to have a pirate themed ball? What is it with women thinking pirates are exotic and romantic? They are not! They are greedy evil thieves! Belle is feeling sick so James stayed with her in their chamber, and I taught their ugly offspring how to dance. Ugh! What a nightmare! I do not care if the child is only three, or is it two? I do not remember, but she should know how to dance already.

Only seven hours until the ball. I am not looking foreword to dressing up in my pirate costume. I know father does not care about honoring pirates anymore then I do. He tried to tell mother that he would be away for the second ball, but she cried and he said he could make it back. If my future wife ever forces any of our future children to have a themed ball, I shall most certainly, most probably maybe, at least I will try to let them chose the themas themselves. Well, I did spend the next seven hours making a general nuisance of myself.

“Your Highness, you should practice your half step!” Master Won said, as he materialized behind me, after I ditched my niece on Elise. I scowled. No one ever danced the half step. It was a stupid little dance, which made the dancer look like a fashionable fool. Nevertheless I practiced until the guests began to arrive.

To further add to my lists of complaints, I shall describe some of our silly costumes. I was wearing clothes, I only wear when I inspect the stables, before they are cleaned, over see the cleaning of the gerdrobe or go berrying with my nieces and nephews. The boots were the same ones I wore, when I helped one of Elise's pet pigs get out of a tree. I was covered in mud when I finished. Not just the boots.

“I look terrible!” I told Belle, as she showed me how to adjust my weird hat. It looked like someone had crushed one side of it.

“You look like a pirate.” She snickered. I did not take that as a compliment. She was wearing a sleeveless cloak, over a baggy shirt, and a pair of my old breeches. That is not even ladylike.

Once more I stood between my parents thrones and tried not to meet the gaze of any of the princess, as they curtsied and simpered at me. I only smiled at one. Elaine's little sister, I forgot her name, something that starts with V I think. But she is like five, and not even interested in marrying me. I cannot say the same for the other princess. I did not see Lady Cinderella, but I did see Lady Miranda. She did not have Ella Marie with her, unfortunately. But she did have her two horrible other daughters with her. Let me see, someone introduced them to me. The short colorful one with the hedious hair was the very charming beauteous Hazel. The tall dark haired one, was the very witty, clever Blanche. Neither title applied to them in the slightest. Both acted like they had never met me before. But I knew full well, that both of them remembered the way they had treated me, at their house. I shall bring it up some time, and watch them squirm.

“Ooo, you are so charming, your highness!” Hazel simper.

“I wish I could say the same about you.” I said sternly. For the first time I did not even feel a little shy. I felt angry. Her jaw dropped so low I could see clear down her throat. They were learning, that being a prince did not automatically make someone charming.

About this time Lady Cinderella came in. Her dress looked ridiculous, and she admitted as much. She was wearing some kind of black leather vest thing over a baggy sleeved dress and long brown skirt. She looked like someone who worked in a cheep tavern. I laughed at her clothes and she laughed at mine. It was not awkward at all. But at least she was not dressed like Elise. I danced every dance with Cinderella. It was so much fun, but she seemed scared of Lady Miranda. I did not blame her. Lady Miranda scared me too. She glowered at us and gave me the shivers.

Day 19

The same thing happened as last time. The clock struck midnight and Lady Cinderella took off. I do not think I want to marry someone who disappears every time the clock strikes midnight. I like Lady Cinderella, but not as much as Ella Marie. Tomorrow is the last ball, so I shall visit her the day after that. I really wish she would come to the ball. Maybe, just maybe I will visit her later today and ask her to come. Who cares if she is not dressed like a peacock. Peacocks are stupid anyway.

I spotted Joseph from all the way across the room, even though he was wearing a ridiculous bearded mask. Who did he think he was? A fearsome pirate?

“Hello, Joseph.” I whispered, as I joined him.

“Wha-who me?” he yelped, “Come on John, admit you cannot recognize me.”

“Sorry.” I said. I felt like laughing, who could not recognize Joseph? Then I told him about my problem with Lady Cinderella, Ella Marie, and that mother wanted me to marry a princess. Probably Shelwhatshername.

“To bad, that is your problem!” he said unsympathetically, “My problem is that I cannot get my brother-in-law to take a shortcut through a bear cave and fetch me the keys of Avalong.” That is the last time I tell him anything. But I guess he was mad because I recognized him. To bad. He annoyed me and I annoyed him. What are twins for if not annoying for each other.

Day 20

I did not have time to go see Ella yesterday, but I did write her a note and an invitation to the ball. But, I could not send them. The post would not get them to her until after the ball, so I simply carried them around in my pocket and wished I could see her. I shudder to imagine what Joseph would say on the subject. He has no right to make fun of me, though. He got married himself, so he likes a girl. Next time he opens his big mouth, I will throw that back at him.

I am pleased that all the pirate decorations are gone. Father is too. He confided that he has never been so happy to see something taken down. I know he has been having a lot of real problems with the pirates. I made a vow, that once this final ball is over, I will help him more. I do not think I shall be afraid to fight pirates. It will most likely be a lot easier then battling my tutors. I look forward to the end of these horrible balls. But I am certain nothing else terrible can happen between then and now.

I have just made an interesting discovery, I was wrong about nothing terrible happening. Guess what! I am allergic to peacocks! Even as I write, my eyes are watering and my nose feels ticklish. I will sneeze in a second. Elaine's father lent us five peacocks. Usually, I like him, but at the moment, I want to throttle him. Eleanor's father, gave us huge bouquets of real peacock feathers. They are old, dry, dusty and even worse then the alive peacocks. I wish I could ram them down his throat. Jaden's son toddled after the peacocks and pulled out their tail feathers. The fat birds immediately turned around and began pecking the boy. He screamed. Jerome meanwhile fell over, because he was laughing so hard. Our cousin Kane, kicked him.

“The poor infant is suffering!” he said.

“That will most certainly teach him not to grab what is not his.” Jerome shrieked and doubled over again. I shudder to imagine what the small child's grandfather would say. I have a feeling he will be more upset about his birds then about his grandson getting violently pecked. To make matters worse, neither Kane nor Jerome attempted to rescue the brat. So I waded through the peacocks and grabbed the child. It was about then that I discovered that I was allergic to peacocks. The most annoying part about it was that I would be wearing a peacock feather cloak and their were a lot of peacock feathers on my hat.

The ballroom was draped in Peacock blue and dark greens. There were stuffed peacocks and feathers everywhere. I was constantly sneezing. My eyes were growing red and my face felt swollen. But the only person who had the kindness to ask if I was sick was Lady Cinderella. Ella Marie would have asked if she had been there, I know. I told Cinderella that I was allergic to peacocks.

“Should I take these out?” she asked as she tugged at the silly feathers in her hair.

“No!” I said with a week grin, “I am covered in them.” But she did end up taking them out, and I took off my hat and cloak. Then we played chess in the back garden, where there were no peacocks. I spent the whole time trying to figure out how to tell her that I did not want to marry her. I was afraid she would believe I led her to believe that I would marry her. Life is so awkward. Some people could say it is all peacocks and balls. But if that is so, then I say, it is all sneezes and sore feet.

Day 21

Exactly the same as on the other two nights, the clock struck midnight and Lady Cinderella took off. This time she had to go through the ballroom to escape. I followed her in and bumped into mother.

“You are not letting her get away again!” she yelped. I sneezed. Mother was very peacocky, “If you chose that princess, then at least find out where she lives!” she gave me a push. I ran after Cinderella feeling stupid. I had forgotten to tell mother that she was not a princess. When I got out of the palace, Cinderella was running down the steps.

“Wait!” I called. She tripped, and one of her slippers fell off. She hesitated, then a green scaly footman picked her up and stuffed her in what looked like a giant golden pumpkin. “What?” I gulped. A feathery man with a beak slapped the rumps of four mouse tailed big eared horses, with his reins. I simply stared. Were my allergies giving me hallucinations? Then Kane, Joseph and Master Won came plowing out of the palace.

“Do not let her get away!” Master Won instructed me, as the pumpkin carriage rattled off. Obediently I started down the steps. “No! It is a ruse to get you out of the palace!” Master Won shouted. I wished he would make up his mind. Kane ran down the steps and picked up the shoe.

“She left you a glass shoe!” he chortled, “How uncomfortable this thing must be. No wonder you two did not dance today! HAHA!” he brought the shoe to me. I took it and shuddered, imagining dancing in those ankle breakers.

Master Won led the pursuit. I thought it was foolish, but he insisted on taking ten armed men and riding after the silly carriage and its mistress. But I would not have minded being introduced to the strange footmen and driver of the pumpkin carriage. But meanwhile, I had to go back inside and sneeze for the rest of the night. You would think that they would at least have let me join the pursuit. I feel offended.

Day 22

Master Won and the armed men finally came back to the palace today. I have a strong suspicion that they had spent all day yesterday drinking in a tavern. Some of them seemed just a little tipsy. Their story was that they followed the carriage, when suddenly it bounced up into the air, shattered and vanished.

“Excellent!” I said, “Now if you will excuse me, I am going to see a very dear friend of mine!”

“And get lost in the woods again?” Mother snapped, “I will not have it!” Mother wanted me to get married, yet she would not let me go and visit the girl I loved! I spent the rest of the day going over pirate files with father. He was engaging an attack against them. I wished I had volunteered to help him sooner. He seemed genuinely happy that I was willing to assist him now. Somehow I doubted that any of my brothers have ever volunteered before.

Day 23

As soon as Master Won called us into a conference, I knew I was going to regret it. All the guests had gone home, including Kane and my brothers, so only my parents, Jerome, Elise and myself attended. I have never been so happy to see anyone leave as when Princess Shella-ohImustreallyrememberhername left. UGH! What a horrible person. She would only make a good wife for an ogre.

“This mysterious princess is obviously magical!” Master Won said. I raised my eyebrows. Why could people not understand plain facts?

“She is not a princess.” I said, but no one seemed to hear. This was going to be a disaster. I did the only thing I could think of under the circumstances. I rolled my eyes. Master Won held up Cinderella's ridiculous ankle breaker glass shoes. I sat up straighter. What could a silly shoe do? I shivered. They looked even worse close up.

“How beautiful.” Elise sighed. Both Jerome and I stared at her.

“Have you inspected this elegant specimen?” Master Won asked. Elegant specimen? HA!

“Yes, from the top of the stairs.” I said out loud. Master Won ignored my crack. Father frowned.

“No lines.” the dance instructor continued, “Perfectly smooth!”

“Magic!” Elise breathed.

“No, a good glassblower!” Jerome laughed, “Shoemakers cannot make things with anything but leather. So therefore-”

“Jerome, please be silent.” father said sternly. Jerome shut his mouth.

“As I was saying,” Master Won continued.

“Get on with it.” father growled, “Some of us actually have work-”

“Dear.” Mother said quickly. This time father shut his mouth. But it was obvious that he could not care less about the shoe. I was only slightly annoyed. The future of the kingdom could rest upon this stupid show. It would be a good idea if he showed at least a little interest.

“This magic slipper will fit only one foot.” Master Won said triumphantly. I frowned. What was he getting at? “I will put together a search. The maiden who fits the slipper will become the prince's bride.” Master Won finished with a smirk. I winced. How vulgar!

“Really?” I asked in disgust.

“What an excellent plan.” Mother sighed, as she clasped her hands. I wondered if perhaps the illness had touched her mind a bit.

“How romantic!” Elise cooed, “Oh Johnny, you are so lucky!”

“Do not call me that!” I growled.

“How utterly stupid!” Jerome said. I could not agree more.

Day 24

Why does no one ever listen to me? I do not want to marry Lady Cinderella or Princess Shellandburgerwhatshername, or any other flighty, silly, foolish, rich princess! I want to marry Ella Marie! Master Won has started preparing for the silly hunt. No one is going to want to try on the slipper. Particularly not, if about three hundred women have done it before them. I get the shivers just thinking about it. Disgusting. As for me, I am waiting for the opportune moment to go see Ella. I would go now, expect fathers wants help with his new plan to attack the pirates. It seems the pirate ball as made him even more angry with them, and he has been think about them non stop since. Well, at least he has motivation. I need some too. I am scared to see Ella, because she might not care for me the same way I care for her.

Day 25

I am so miserable. Mother called me into her chamber, this morning, and went on and on about how I was the only one left to inherit the kingdom. This is not entirely true. Even if Joseph was cut off, Jerome is still here. But that was not all. Mother said I was cruel, because I would not supply her with a grandson of a noble blood. I feel so pathetic. I now feel as if it would be selfish to go see Ella. I spent the day sparring with Jerome and battling my conscience.

Day 26

I finally crushed my conscience and returned to the forest. I convinced myself that just going to see her would not cheat mother out of her noble heir. But now I am more miserable. I looked everywhere for Ella. I fear that it has been so long since I have come that she is not longer waiting for me. I went home in tears. I should just let mother arrange my marriage.

Later

I am a fool! I could have just gone to Ella's house! Now it is too dark and I will have wait until morning to go. Oh could just kick myself, hard! UGH! How could I have done that! I am so stupid!

Day 27

I went back to Ella's house today. But she was not around. Her two rotten stepsisters were, but I avoided them. I am really upset about it. I really do not wish to go home. Elise will ask me who I was visiting. Jerome will go one and on about the fickleness of women. Master Won will be returning with his first report on the stupid Cinderella hunt. As for me, I will slink to my chamber and not cry. Life is killing me. Well, when I got home, it all happened exactly as I expected. I detest being right.

Before I close off this entry, I am going to rant about Master Won. I am completely and totally disgusted and shocked. He has been making everyone, well the ladies anyway, try on that stupid glass shoe. Um- can he not just look at her face and know if it is or is not the right girl? People are so stupid. Master Won is making everyone believe I am a fool. I do not like it at all. Jerome told me, the page boys are calling me Prince a la Fool. How would you like a nickname like that. I feel so miserable. I do not even love Lady Cinderella. I wish I could talk this over with Ella Marie. I would endure this for her, but for someone I do not love, it is unbearable.

I was still busy wallowing in self pity when I heard Elise telling Jerome that she was going to follow Master Won and spy on him, when he “hunts” for Lady Cinderella again tomorrow.

“I am going with you!” Jerome replied promptly, “I bet the lout is having fun at our expense!” Jerome may be right. I will be going with them tomorrow. If Master Won is simply living off father, it is my duty to stop him.

Day 28

I had horse riding lessons today. But I told Sir Patrono that I had something important to do instead. He did not sound pleased about that.

“Do that another day.” he said bluntly, as he saddled his horse. I had to tell him the truth, as I had no good excuses planned. He actually liked that. People should tell the truth more often. People tend to like it more then the lies. “Prick that old windbag good!” he cried, “A good booting on his silk backside is just the thing he needs!” I could not agree more.

Jerome, Elise and I set out. Following Master Won and his shoe circus is easy. Especially for someone who is good at tracking, like Jerome. The troupe did not even try to cover their tracks. There was a flag bearer on horseback carrying a banner with a shoe one it in the front of the parade. How very original. Next came two guards with sharp spears. Then two silk clad servants bearing a tiny litter with the shoe on it. Two guards with drawn swords, walked behind that. Then came Master Won on horseback with a sealed scroll. Behind him were two more guards, who were also carrying spears. They looked so solemn and important, but at the same time, stupid.

Jerome clutched at his stomach and started shaking all over. His face turned bright red and his eyes bulged. At first I thought he was either going to be sick or have a seizure. But then I saw he was trying not to laugh. I hit him.

“Stop it, you clown!” I hissed.

“Shhhh.” Elise ordered, “They will hear you!”

“I- I cannot help it!” Jerome gasped, then exploded into laughter. I was so going to kill him. Once we had shut Jerome up, we went home. I am going to pack a bag and go after Master Won. I need to stop him from making a laughing stock out of men and my family. It is not good for the kingdom if no one respects the king.

Day 29

I had fully intended to go by myself, but when I sneaked into the stable this morning to fetch my horse, both Elise and Jerome were waiting for me. Elise had a saddle bag of food. Good thing someone thinks about that kind of thing.

“How long will we follow Master Won?” Elise asked as we rode off down the road.

“Oh maybe two or three days.” Jerome said, “Once we discover Won's methods, we will sabotage it and then come home.”

“Not two or three days!” I gasped, “Surely not.” I expected to be home by tomorrow, with a repentant Won. Jerome shrugged.

“Alright Boss.” he said.

We did not catch up to Master Won until nightfall, when his circus stopped at an inn for the night. This was mostly because we passed by three villages before we thought to look for Won. A helpful villager told us that he was not due in their village for three days, so we had to backtrack. Master Won and company was barely three miles from the castle. I could hardly believe it. I wanted to go into the inn and get rooms for us, but my silly brother and sister insisted that we sleep outside where no one could discover us.

Day 30

Sleeping on the ground is so uncomfortable. Whenever I moved there was always another sharp rock resting under my ribs. I was up with the sun. But Elise and Jerome were up earlier. Apparently sleeping outside on the ground is the easiest way to ensure yourself of getting up early. I feel sore, stiff and tired. I just want to die. To make matters worse Master Won and company failed to get up for another four hours. By that time we had eaten every scrap of our food out of sheer boredom. Finally, my ex-dancing instructor swaggered out of the inn, mounted a platform and announced the shoe.

“Hear ye, hear he!” he bellowed, “Good people of this little filthy town, come and bring your maidens. The glass slipper had arrived. The damsel who fits yon slipper shall be the next queen of our sweet kingdom.” I smacked my head. How terrible. No one was going to answer that call. It was degrading.

Suddenly a gaggle of girls materialized in front of Master Won and the slipper. The trampled everyone and everything in their way, trying to reach the platform. The guards had to hold them back or they would have attacked the slipper. I had never been so mortified in my entire life. At least none of them fit the slipper. I am never marrying a girl who snatches a shoe from another girl and slugs her in the face with the heal of said shoe.

Day 31

Elise bought us some cheese from the market and we picked apples. It was not a feast, but at least we will not starve. I wish we had not eaten all our other food yesterday. We followed the troupe again today. The same thing happened as yesterday. More brats fighting over the stupid shoe.

“Do you think that it is odd that no one can fit the slipper?” Elise asked, “Even the really small girls.” I need to get a closer look at that shoe. But I could have sworn it was larger then some of the feet that could not get into it. Magic. It has to be magic.

Day 32

Oh my, we must be seven miles from home now. I cannot believe how slowly this troupe is going. But anyway, we were doing the usual when Sir Patrono came galloping up. Master Won may have totally failed to find us, but Sir Patrono found us right away. I think Master Won would make a terrible soldier.

“Your princessness and princeslingnesses.” he called, “Your Royal brother Jaden bids you come home immediately.” Blast! We did not get any evidence against Master Won. I wondered what Jaden wanted as we returned home.

I feel terrible and guilty for leaving home now. Mother is ill. Terribly ill. The bumbling physician said she was dying. Father is away fighting pirates and cannot be reached. The physician said mother only has a few days. How can I have not noticed sooner? But then the physician is a fool. He must have made a mistake somewhere.

Day 33

I was expecting mother to be better today. In fact was fairly certain that she would be better, because the physician was a moran. But she was worse. Elise played with Jaden's little boy without being asked, while Jaden and Elaine talked with the Physician. Belle and James came over early this morning. Justin and Eleanor came later. While everyone was talking. I sneaked into mother's chamber. The physician said no one was to see her. I went in anyway. Surely it would not kill mother if I just took a peek. She was awake when I looked in. She beckoned for me to come closer.

“John!” she croaked. I went over to her quickly and took her hand. “You must marry a princess. I must hear you promise me that the line will continue through you.”

“Yes mother.” I promised. I thought of Ella Marie, but said nothing. The kingdom was more important then my own personal desires.

“Marry that girl you spent so much time with at the ball.” Mother said. I blinked. True, if I had to chose someone from the ball it would be Lady Cinderella. I hesitated. It was tempting.

“But-” I gasped, “She told me she is not a princess.” I decided to be honest. Immediately I felt as if a weight had lifted from my chest.

“It does not matter.” she murmured, “Go with Master Won, find her. If she is willing, marry her.” I decided that I would do as she asked. It is a good idea to grant your mother's dying wish, no matter how stupid you thought it was. Well, I thought master Won's methods were stupid, not mother's wish.

“Anything else?” I asked softly as she closed her eyes.

“Yes, I wish to speak to your twin.” she said. She wanted to speak with Joesph! I did not even know where he was. Tears stung my eyes. I left her chamber and found Joesph was seated right outside the door. Surprise.

Day 34

Today I officially joined Master Won's traveling circus. Believe me, when I say it was even worse being involved in the troupe, then just watching. When “eligible” maidens failed to fit the shoe, they threw themselves at my feet, clutching at my boots and howling. It was positively disgusting. One girl said she was the mystery princess but her feet had swollen overnight. Cinderella was not a princess. Another one said she had accidentally tried the shoe on the wrong foot. She had already tried it on both feet, twice. I heard one stupid excuse after another. All I had to do was look at their faces. None of them looked remotely like Cinderella. The only girl I had seen who resembled Cinderella at all was Ella Marie. Wait a minute, Ella Marie and Cinderella not only look alike, but act alike too. Maybe they are sisters. They can NOT be the same person, can they? Wouldn't I have recognized her? Something seems very wrong here.

Day 35

This morning, as I sat yawning in my chair, I had the horror to see one of Ella's horrible sisters. Hazel. The uglier one. She approached me in a hideous gown that made by eyes burn. Bright red, bright yellow, bright orange and bright pink should never be on the same outfit, in my humble opinion. In fact they should never even be in the same room together.

“Your highness!” she cooed and barged to the front of the line. I hate pushy people!

“Go away!” I mouthed. She snatched the shoe from Master Won and crammed it on her foot. Master Won tapped his fingers together and pinched his lips tightly. I dropped my head into my hands and groaned. Hazel began to huff and puff. The shoe would not slide onto her foot. She dropped to the ground and began to roll around. I took a secret satisfaction in the way her dress was turning out. Muddy! But she was really annoying me. I glanced at Master Won.

“Get rid of her!” I hissed. Master Won signaled to the guards. She was forcefully removed.

“It is mine!” she screamed, “Give it back!”

“No!” I said angrily, “Also, when you greet your mother for me, be sure to tell her to get a cat! Mice in the kitchen are truly horrific!” she shut up, “Also she could practice the proper way to treat guests on it.” Cannot say I blame her. She was probably trying to forget that unfortunate kitchen experience. I was being mean to bring it up.

Day 36

As I saw the lines of girls this afternoon, I wanted to scream. Instead I grabbed Master Won by the jerkin.

“Get a hold of yourself man!” I cried, “You are killing me!” Master Won slid out of my grasp and smoothed down his clothes.

“You should return home, your highness.” He said soothingly, “In my country we would say you were exhausted.”

“We say that here!” I grumbled. Master Won bowed. I hesitated, then an idea popped into my mind. If it worked, it might speed everything up.

“I will go home and rest.” I said, “Meanwhile you go from house to house, skip the town lineups. It's the same girls coming over and over again.”

“As you wish.” he said with a low bow. I went to fetch my things, also to avoid the girls.

Day 37

Yesterday I agreed to go home. But I did not. All I had to do was disguise myself as a peasant and follow the circus. I do not trust Won and I want to steal the shoe, preferably to shatter it. But first I need to study it. It has got to be magic. My family has a history of magic. Jaden turned into a frog, Justin killed a dragon fairy and James turned into a beast. I believe Joseph was mortal enemies with some kind of witch at one point too. It figures that would have some magic in my life too. Even if it is only a girl's silly high heeled shoe.

Day 38

I am not sure what Master Won has been doing in the country manors, but he seems to be enjoying himself. We have made a large loop and are back in the village near the castle again. I have to hide. People recognize me, more then I would have expected. I suppose that is Master Won's doing. I really wish I could see what he was doing in the houses.

Day 39

Master Won reached Ella's house today. There was no sign of Ella Marie of course. Lady Miranda opened the door and curtsied. She smiled evilly. I was watching from behind the garden wall. Just looking at her, sent shivers up and down my back.

“This way gentlemen.” she cooed, and she led the group into the house. Only two guards remained behind. They stationed themselves on either side of the door. I climbed over the garden wall and confronted them. They pointed their spears at me. I mentally kicked myself because of my disguise. I quickly pulled my hat off and glared at them. Immediately they started bowing and nodding. They were still bowing as I rushed into the house.

Lady Miranda and Master Won were talking in the parlor. Hazel was on the floor, repeating the same actions I had seen her perform a few days ago. Blanche was kicking her.

“My turn, my turn!” she was yelling.

“I can get it on!” Hazel yelled back. I am surprised that they are not ashamed to be pursuing me, after the rotten way they treated me on my first visit. I tiptoed past the door and ran for the steps. Now was my chance to find Ella. I had taken about three steps when the sound of shattering glass reached my ears. Had someone had broken the slipper? I ran back downstairs.

“We are at an understanding then, madame.” I heard Master Won say. I peered around the room. Blanche was trying on the shoe, violently. In the process, she had knocked over a table that had a china plate on it. It was the plate, not the shoe that had broken.

“You get the new slipper, I shall dispose of this one.” Lady Miranda said smoothly. A cold shiver ran down my back. Master Won and that creepy lady were making sinister plans. Plans that involved a new shoe. One that would probably fit either Blanche or Hazel. I glanced at the girls. Hazel was repulsive. I would choose Blanche over her any day. I shuddered. No I would find Ella Marie.

“Of course if the real girl is ever found, we will see that she is gotten rid of.” Master Won said calmly. I turned and bolted for the stairs. I needed to see Ella again. I had to sort out this mess, also to save her from the traitors. I was never going to marry one of those rotten girls.

The further up the steps the more creaky and rattly they got. They sagged and swayed. I had to slow down and walk carefully. No one should have ever had to climb those steps. They were dangerous. I went to the top of the tower and found my way barred by a closed door. I tried to open it, but it was locked. I banged on it.

“Ella?” I cried. There was no answer. I turned to go, feeling dejected. I would check the cellar next. I had so hoped to find her up here.
“John?” a familiar voice cried suddenly. I froze in the point of walking down the steps. I was not sure if the voice was familiar because it was Ella or Cinderella. I was thoroughly confused on that subject, by now. Someone had obviously used some kind of confusing magic. I could see why Justin and James hated fairies. They were so confusing.

“Ella?” I whispered, there was a short pause.

“John, you have to get of here.” the girl wailed suddenly, “My stepmother will kill you.”

“Sorry lady, you have to try on the dumb shoe!” I cried and slammed my shoulder into the door. It was painful, but the it shivered slightly.

“John?” the girl screamed. I rammed into it again and again. By the fourth time it had broken open. I tumbled into the room. Ella came running, as I fell flat on my face. “You are Cinderella.” I gasped.

“My fairy Godmother made it so no one would recognize me at the ball.” she sobbed.

“What?” I gaped, “That is the stupidest thing I ever heard. Why did you not just tell me the truth? I would have kept you at the castle.” Well, this would prove James and Justin's theories about fairies hating us.

“Why did you not tell me, that you were a prince?” she countered as she helped me to my feet. Now that was an awkward question.

“Well-” I began slowly, as I rubbed my bruised shoulder. I heard a faint crash coming from downstairs, “Quick, go down and try the shoe on.” I blurted out.

“What?”

“Just go!” I cried, and gave her a gentle push. She ran down the steps. I followed at a much slower pace. People who can bust down doors like I just did and still run after that are obviously faking somewhere.

I had gone about halfway down the treacherous steps when I heard Ella speaking to Master Won and Lady Miranda. I paused.

“I have not tried on the shoe.” she said quietly. Gasps ran through the room. I held my breath.

“Cinders cannot do it!” Blanche shrieked. I winced.

“Keep your ashy cinders off this slipper!” Hazel snarled.

“You try on a shoe?” Lady Miranda said in a honey sweet tone, “I suppose this slipper belongs to you?”

“No!” Ella replied.

“Glad to know you have a streak of honesty.” Blanche snapped.

“May I try on the shoe?” Ella asked firmly.

“What shoe?” Master Won demanded. For the second time in five minutes I heard the sound of shattering glass. “Oopsies!” Master Won snickered. He was lucky that my fingers could not reach his neck at the moment.

“That was my fairy Godmother's slipper!” Ella cried. I forgot about my bruises and ran the rest of the way down the swaying steps. I knew that slipper was magic.

As I reached the foot of the stairs, I discovered Master Won was just telling his guards to grab Ella. The shoe was smashed all over the parlor floor. I burst into the room. Everyone grew silent. Master Won forced a smile.

“Unfortunately the priceless slipper was destroyed so I am afraid we must send this maiden away.” he said smoothly. I stared at the shattered fragments in dismay.

“This might help.” Ella said. She pulled another shoe out of her pocket. I nearly kissed her.

“What? No!” Lady Miranda gasped, “Give that to me!” she made a grab for the shoe. I slid between her and Ella.

“It is mine!” Blanche squealed.

“MINE!”Hazel screeched. Both lunged at Ella. I drew my knife. Peasants did not carry swords so I did not have mine. The sisters drew back with loud shrieks. Blanche bent over, snatched up a stool and hurled it at me. I ducked. I could not fight girls. Hazel leaped towards my throat.

“Get him Hazel!” Blanche screeched, and clapped her hands. I spun away from her, right into Master Won's sword.

“Ella, put on the blasted shoe!” I yelled, then I glared at Master Won, “Sorry, but you are so banished.” I moved my head to include lady Miranda in my glare, “You too!” She drew a dagger. Blast! There was only one way to go. I parried Won's sword with my knife. Then we started dueling. He danced out of my reach, then jabbed over the top of my blade. With the extended length of his long arms and sword he could reach me easily, but I could not reach him. I swayed to the side, and leaped in. He jerked around and tried to get me. I kicked at his hand. He yelled and dropped his sword. I rushed to finish him. The next thing I knew a horrible burning pain shot through my stomach. Won had a dagger too. I staggered backwards, clutching at a bleeding hole in my stomach. I stared at the dripping blade in his hands with surprise. So this was how my life would end? What a waste!

“Now you die!” Won jeered, I fell to my knees.

“Do not drip on the carpet!” Lady Miranda screeched, “I just paid good money to get that cleaned.” I was seized with the rebellious desire to drip on the carpet.

Suddenly a glass slipper came flying through the air and smashed into Won's face. Glass shattered everywhere. He let out a yell and stumbled. I staggered to my feet, snatching up my knife in process.

“Come and fight like a man?” I cried. With one hand, I clutched at my wound, and with the other, I clenched the knife. Won shook his head as if to clear the daze left my the shoe hitting him in the face. Hazel made another grab at me.

“Oh no you do not!” Ella snapped. She grabbed Hazel by the collar and spun her around.

“Let her go, Cinders!” Blanche squealed and grabbed Ella's hair. Won hurled himself at me. I blocked his blow. He let out a stream of curses as he rained blow after blow down upon me. Gasping for breath, I parried them. But he was driving me into a corner.

“If any of you get blood on the carpet, I will slice you into mincemeat!” Lady Miranda snarled. I leaped backwards, and slammed into the wall.

“Got you!” Won chortled. I leaned against the wall, then kicked Won in the ribs.

“Wha-?” he gasped and went flying backwards. He did a back roll then came up on his feet, his sword still in his hands. For a dancing instructor, he certainly could wield a sword fairly well. I kicked a table at him. He spun to the side. I rushed forward. He threw the bloody knife at me. I caught it. Did a spin and froze.

Master Won had grabbed Ella, and had his knife press against her neck. Both Hazel and Blanche were lying on the floor, more or less unconscious. The contents of a tea tray were littered around them. Lady Miranda was standing on a chair howling.

“You know what happens next?” Won growled. I glanced around, then lowered my knife.

“Yes.” I mumbled.

“Excellent!” the ex-dancing instructor said. I started to approach me, dragging the struggling Ella. I kicked a a pile of shattered glass in his direction. He tried to sidestep it, just as Ella grabbed his arm and hoisted herself upwards, so her feet were not touching the floor. This threw Won off balance. I leaped over Hazel and slammed my shoulder into Won. He toppled over. I caught Ella and pulled her to her feet.

“Saved, I guess.” I said.

“I think you might be right.” she replied seriously, then buried her face in my chest and started crying.

Day 40

And then I married Ella and everyone lived happily ever after....I wish. But there is a big mess to clean up first. Jadan, Justin and James are really mad at me. I told them I was going to marry Cinderella. But her fairy Godmother is the same fairy that cursed all of them or in Justin's case, tricked him. To bad for them. I have no grudge against this fairy, except that she thought it funny to make it so I would not recognize Ella at the ball. But I guess everything turned out alright in the end. I banished both Lady Miranda and Master Won. Public enemies number one and two! Blanche and Hazel I allowed to stay, provided they got married quickly and moved far away from me. Tomorrow I leave for the shore. I will join father in his endeavor to stamp out piracy. When I come back, I shall marry Ella. Then we can have our much deserved happily ever after.

The End

Coming up next

The Diary of an Uncharming Prince

Jerome is suffering from depression, now that his mother is dead, all his brothers are gone, and his favorite tutor was banished. When he finally snaps and runs away, he finds himself apprenticed to seven sour dwarf smiths. Then a girl called Tar shows up. Jerome finally discovers an important reason to exist. Tar is being hunted by some evil that wishes to kill her. It is up to Jerome to protect her from this evil. To bad he has no clue what it really is.