My life is one complicated
problem! Normally, when I discover an irritating problem, I snatch up
my bow and ride out into the forest with my favorite horse. But I
feel as if I need something bigger now. Hence the diary.
James married a merchant's
daughter! What is wrong with him? He did not even invite us to the
wedding! Selfish beast! Jaden and Justin are marrying princesses!
Mother is proud at least! But Jaden is marring a spoiled brat, and he
courted her disguised as a frog! What on Royaume is wrong with him?
Hold on, I am getting ahead of myself.
Jaden, is my oldest
brother. He is twenty-one and bossy. He is marrying the princess
Elaine, a spoiled bratty princess. Justin and James are twins. They
are nineteen. Justin is lazy, but he kissed a princess and now they
have to get married. James is a selfish beast and he somehow tricked
or forced a merchant's daughter to marry him. I am Joseph and nearly
had to marry Elaine. Luckily Jaden got her instead. I am Eighteen.
John is my twin brother, he hates everything. I doubt he will ever
get married. Jerome is my youngest brother. He is sixteen and is just
a big baby. Elise is my little sister, she is pretty babyish too.
She's only fifteen.
Now that I have introduced
my siblings, lets get back to the topic of me- wait, I do not think
we were ever discussing me. Whoops! Well anyway, Jaden and Justin are
having a double wedding in six days. James will be coming home for
the first time in several months. I am so not looking forward to
that.
Man, I keep getting off
topic. What I am trying to say is that I got slapped in the face by a
fairy today! I am not sure what went wrong, but it did! She is the
same dumb fairy who keeps bothering my brothers too! No wonder Justin
hated her! Can't blame him! I don't really remember the particulars!
So I guess that is all for today.
Signing off
Joseph
Son of Jasper
the VI
Day
2
Dear
Me,
I
peeked inside Jaden's froggy diary, man was it dull and BORING! Some
talented frog, he was writing! Mother was making a big deal about my
writing, and I am a man! Jaden writing would have blown her mind!
Say, I just realized something! I'm hysterically funny!!!! If you
ignorant people, who will read my diary in about say a hundred and
two years, do not know what that means, I shall explain. It means
that I am more funny then you and you are just a stupid clod! HAHA!
I
am not sure where I was going with this whole thing- oh yes, as I was
saying, Jaden's diary was boring, because he did not address it to
anyone. As for me, I shall began mine with, Dear Me. Is that not
sophisticated. That my dear future clods, means important and better
then you.
Anyway,
the news of the day is that I went for a walk in the woods. Oh to be
sure I avoided Prince Brataroo's summer palace. It was even easy to
do. All I did was go in the opposite direction. Easy! I bet you never
thought of such a thing! But I'm getting side tracked again.
Well,
I was walking in the woods. Not really, doing much. Just scuffing
leaves and wondering why Jaden would ever want to marry Princess
Brataroo, even if she did turn him back into a man. Suddenly, I see
this. A tower in the middle of nowhere. Literally! It was in a big
empty patch, which was surrounded by a tight ring of rocks, boulders
and brush. Almost like a natural wall. I wonder who lives there?
Perhaps, I shall go back one day. Who knows.
Signing off
Joseph
Son of Jasper
the VI
Day
3
Dear
Me with a capitol M,
So
today I returned to the tower. How wonderful, I got right on topic
today. I feel proud. Now where was I? Oh yes, the tower. Anyway, my
glorious return was combined with a little hunting trip. I brought
Lasso and Polo too. Who is Lasso and Polo, the ignorant fool might
ask. Well, Lasso just happens to be my own best friend. A hound dog,
which I raised all by my old self. Polo is my horse. I never go
anywhere without him. You want to know why? Well, I say it is because
if I did not take little old Polo with me, I would have to walk. That
would be terrible. Hmm... I believe I may have gotten off topic. I
guess I better get back on.
Well,
I rode up to the tower, then hopped off Polo's back and looked for a
door. Believe it or not, there was no door! So I have a little
mystery on my hands. A hidden tower with no door! I think I love
mysteries! They are so exciting! I am a good detective too! I figured
out that there was someone inside the tower. You want to know how I
know? Well, I think I shall tell you anyway. I was walking around the
tower for the hundredth time, when I heard someone singing. Something
about wishing on stars and other such rubbish, but that is not the
important bit. Anyway, if there was singing, then logically, there
must be a person, therefore the tower is occupied! See, brilliant!
Now I just have to figure out how to get inside the tower. Not to
mention figuring out, how this mysterious singer got inside it. There
must be a door somewhere.
Do
you know what I shall do? I shall make a hunting trip of this venture
and stay the night in the forest. I shall camp I think I shall camp
by the tree. That way I can keep an eye on the tower. Perhaps the
singer has wings. Maybe she will fly out and introduce herself.
Anyway, I plan on being right here, so I can get a good look at her.
Maybe she is a bird. This is going to be fun!
Signing off
Joseph
the curious
detective
Day
4
Dear
Me,
It
was very early this morning, I mean really early. The sun was only
just starting to come up. Well, I was awakened by someone talking.
“Rapunzel?
Rapunzel, you selfish brat, wake up?” someone with a very good pair
of lungs was screeching. This selfish woman was destroying my beauty
sleep. The nerve! Well, anyway, I got up, and grabbed my bow and
arrows. You never know when the odd chance will come, where an arrow
will accidentally slip of the string and kill someone you are angry
with. I did not want to spoil my very possible chances. After all
this person who dearly wanted Rapunzel to wake up, ought to know that
there could be other sleeping nearby.
Standing
at the foot of the tower was a woman. I would not know if she was
young or not. But her face could have soured sugar! I think her hair
was either black or blond, I am not really certain. A fellow cannot
be expected to know everything. I believe she had some sort of gray
cat. Or it possibly was a brown dog creature. As I sad before, a
fellow cannot know everything.
I
was still staring at this rather impressive woman, who was screeching
her fool head off, when a second woman appeared in the window of the
tower.
“Oh
sister Gothel?” she calls, “Are you returned?” Now this is
really stupid, since this sister Gothel has obviously returned.
“Rapunzel,
throw down your hair or you shall get no dinner!” sister Gothel
retorts. Her little beastie yowls and curdles my ears. But anyway, I
could have been hearing things. There is know way this Rapunzel would
take off her hair and throw it down, just by lemon face's say so.
You
will never believe what happened! Not in a thousand years! Rapunzel
threw her braid out the window! It was literally fifteen feet long if
not longer! I am serious! I knew you would not believe me! WOW! I am
really shocked! Phew! This is literally insane. WOW! It also happens
to be very blond, and shines like gold! WOW! I could totally get used
to staring at hair like that, no matter how ugly the face was.
I
was still admiring that rotten hair, when Lasso goes charging out of
our hiding place and starts barking wildly.
“Wild
dogs, sister!” Rapunzel screeches. Sister Gothel puts down her
mutt.
“Sic
him darling Lolo, my sweet little pet!” she coos. As I escape on
Polo I wonder who would be fool enough to name their good for nothing
cat, or is it a dog, Lolo? Sappy!
Joseph
the
informed
Day
5
Dear
exhausted Me,
Sweet
darling little Lolo, who is really an evil vicious reincarnation of
the black lord, chased poor me, Polo and Lasso all the way to the
edge of the forest yesterday. It took forever to get back. I believe
I shall lodge a complaint with someone or other! I am seriously put
out! But I shall go back and believe me, as soon as I retrieve my bow
and one arrow, I shall put an end to darling sweet little Lolo.
I
reached the tower by late afternoon, but some jerk had stolen my bow
and arrows! I shall really file a complaint now! But HA I know the
secret to getting into the tower, and believe me, I shall use it! Can
you guess what I am about to do?
I
found myself a nice stout stick, then marched up to that crummy
tower. Polo and Lasso trailed a long behind me. It feels good to have
a little backup, even if they are only a horse and a dog! They are my
best friends! All those of you who are dumb enough to remember that I
have a twin brother, don't you dare ask why he isn't my best friend!
If he was my best friend, he would be right here with me, getting
torn to pieces by Lolo the evil little thing!
Anyway,
where was I? Oh yes, I found the stick. It was nice and stout,
remember? Well, I banged on the side of the tower with it.
“Rapunzel,
oh Rapunzel let down your braid! Your very long braid!” I yelled.
The girl's face appeared in the window.
“Who
in the name of Gascony are you?” she shrieked.
“I
don't know this Gascony.” I told her, “But I have a bone to pick
with dear sister Gothel witch and her disgusting rodent! Now let down
your hair, a ladder would be preferable, but hair will do just fine!”
She slammed the shutters on the window! Without letting down her
hair. Lasso growled at her. All I could do was bend down, pet him and
call him a good dog.
Joseph
the
very angry prince
Day
6
Dear
still angry and slightly bored me,
I
am yawning! I am so bored! I had to come home, because the wedding
was today. Did Jaden and Justin really have to have their weddings in
the middle of my busiest day? Ugh! I hate weddings! I was late
arriving home, so I did not have time to change. I ran straight to
the chapel. To make matters worse, I forgot to lock Lasso in the
stable with Polo, so Lasso followed me into the chapel. Justin was
saying his vows when I burst into the chapel. Lasso ran straight up
the isle and jumped up on Princess Eleanor. Her gown isn't very white
anymore. She started screaming.
“What
am I supposed to to do?” Justin asked with a shrug.
“Say
I do!” James yelled. His wife, that merchant's daughter, hit him!
Quite satisfying.
“Joseph!”
mother screech, nearly bursting my eardrums.
“I
do!” Justin yelled.
“Mama,
Joseph is ruining the wedding!” tattle tale Elise screeches.
“Joseph,
stop!” Jaden yells, “Get this mutt of your new sister-in-law!”
“I
think she looks good with mutt prints on her!” Brateroo Elaine
says. I have to agree with her.
“Oh
boy, some real fun!” Jerome yells.
“Boo!”
my cousin Kane jeers. My aunt starts yelling at him. Polo and I slink
out of the chapel. I really hate weddings.
Joseph
the
grounded and very much in trouble prince.
Day
7
Dear
Lonely Me,
I
am in so much trouble! Mother has forbidden me to leave my bed
chamber. She has assured me that I am grounded from everything fun!
It is so not fair! Elise came by to see me, after the first long
hour.
“Mama,
says you are a very naughty boy!” she said coolly. Girls are really
big pains.
“I
am hardly a naughty boy, anymore!” I snapped, “I'm a grownup!”
She cocked her head, in that irritating girlish way.
“Well,
then you are a very evil Prince!” she said, “The kind that try to
kill their nephews, in all the stories!” Not that I care what my
little child sister thinks of me, she made me nervous. The evil
princes in the stories, always came to a really bad end! Jailed for
life! Hanged! Beheaded! Banished!
“Get
out of here!” I yelled at her, “I don't need to kill Jaden to get
this rotten castle! I got my own princess!” I was sorry as soon as
the words had left my mouth. OOPS! Elise is the biggest gossip too! I
am so doomed!
“You?
A princess?” she laughed scornfully.
“You
would be surprised!” I snarled.
“Not
really!” she said with a sneer, “After all, Justin married that
merchant's daughter!”
“Because
no princess would have him!” I snapped.
“And
James married Princess Eleanor!” Elise continued.
“And
Jaden married the brataroo!” I cried impatiently. Elise raised her
eyebrows.
“If
they could get married, I have every belief that you-”
“You
know what.” I interrupted, “Elaine is not as big of a brat as
you!” She glared at me.
“MOTHER?”
she screamed, then went running down the corridor, “MOTHER? Joseph
is calling me a brat!” Me and my big mouth! I am so doomed to spend
eternity in this chamber! Blast! Well, the minute I am allowed out, I
am heading right back to the forest! I would rather fight sweet
darlin' what's its name then be bored to death!”
Joseph
the
ill-treated prince
Day
8
Dear
still lonely me,
I
am bitter again. I am really bitter! I mean really really bitter!
Should I capitalize it? Yes? IT! HAHA! I am so funny! To bad no one
else thinks so! Anyway, I had plenty of time yesterday to think up
some funny jokes. I tried a few on John when he came up for bed, but
he has no sense of humor.
I
actually forgot what I was going to write. Oh yes, mother said I
could go hunting if John went with me. She says I need a chaperone. A
chaperone!!!??!! John is my twin brother! My younger twin brother! I
am so offended! Besides he hates hunting! UGH! It is so not fair! She
was basically saying no!
After
lunch, John comes into the chamber for his dancing shoes! DANCING
SHOES? Why would a fellow need dancing shoes! He hates dancing! For a
person that hates everything, he certainly is dedicated to
everything!
“John
drop those high heeled ladies shoes and go hunting with me!” I tell
him in my nicest voice.
“You
could say please!” he replied without even looking at me. I do not
need to worry about my manners until he has gained a few! UGH!
“Never
mind the please, lets leave right now!” I said. When a fellow is in
a hurry, he can't waist time being polite.
“Goodbye!”
John says and takes off, leaving me to suffer another whole day in
our bed chamber. I am so going to kill him!
Joseph
the prince who wishes he did not have a twin brother
Day
9
Dear
clever crafty me,
I
am so smart! Oh wait, let me get the part over with, where I am not
so smart! Somehow or other Elise spread the story throughout the
entire castle that I had a secret love in the forest! Girls are so
small minded! I said I had a princess, I never said I had a secret
love! Where did she get that idea from? Mother wanted me to tell her
weather or not my love was a princess, and if she was going to
inherit a glorious kingdom. Mother always thinks about the details
like that.
“I
shall be sure to ask her.” I told mother.
Then
Jaden comes in. He has this stupid look on his face. It is the, I am
older then you and so much smarter, look.
“Joseph,
I know you rarely think and act impulsively.” he said. I recognized
the beginning of an elderly brother lecture.
“I'm
not the one that got himself turned into a frog!” I told him. He
left. Sheesh! One would think he was offended.
Then
James comes in the room. Whatever advice he plans on giving me, about
my secret love is sure to be terrible.
“Joseph,
when you propose to your darling, just because she says no does not
mean, you won't get her if you ask about twenty more times.” he
told me. That's actually pretty good advice. But apparently the
merchant's daughter didn't think so. She grabbed him by the ear and
told him he would make a terrible father! UGH! I'm to old to be an
uncle! I feel ancient! I'm going to die alone and unloved! I could
cry!
I
shut the door in Justin's face before he could give me any advice.
They think that just because they are married, they know more about
courting then me! But I know twice as much as them! James was a
beast. He scared Belle into excepting him. Justin courted a sleeping
girl. And Jaden was a frog. Elaine couldn't get anyone else to marry
her! She's probably sad that I turned her down flat!
Oh,
I believe I forgot about my cleverness. Allow me a moment to bask in
all your admiration. Now I shall tell you what I did that was so
gloriously clever. Hold on a second, I have to think. Blast it all, I
cannot remember! BLAST! I got sidetracked! Oh well! Anyway, father
said I was free. So I am going to ride back up to the tower and camp
there again! I just need to collect Lasso from the butcher shop.
Mother sent him to be made into dog food! CRUEL!
Joseph
the wisest of the wise
Day
10
Dear
Very Happy Me,
Lasso
and I took off for the forest at first light. I had to walk, because
the stable was still locked. The lazy horse master was still snoring
in bed! It of course would not do to awaken him up. He is half drunk
all the time and would probably get me grounded again. After all
everyone else has priorities when it comes to hurt feelings!
Unfortunately
it took forever and then some to get to the forest. I mean the tower.
I was already in the forest. The castle is in the forest. Actually
all the land around here is in the forest, but that is hardly the
point. Anyway, I went back to the tower. This time I was going up,
and introducing myself. If Gothel happened to be around with her
murderous pet, I could easily throw them into a rose bush. I think.
I
marched up to the tower, picked up my stick and banged on the tower
again. After all there is nothing like repeating yourself, when it
went so well last time.
“Rapunzel,
Rapunzel let down your hair!” I yelled, “If you do I might even
say thank you!” The girl with weird name, stuck her head out the
window.
“You
again?” she demanded.
“Is
Gothel in?” I asked. Better be safe then sorry.
“Is
that any of your business?” she asked. She sounded bitter.
“Actually,
I just dropped by to say hello, and was wondering if my dog and I
could come up for a visit?” I said. If Lolo was up there, I needed
to have Lasso at my side. Rapunzel laughed. I scowled. Girls were
rotten creatures.
“You
could never get that creature up here!” she said. Girls have no
faith in men.
“Lower
your hair, and I will prove you wrong!” I retorted.
Well,
surprisingly Rapunzel did lower her hair. GROSS! It was really hair!
I have to touch a girl's hair! UGH! GROSS! I mean, however did she
get hair long enough to use for a ladder! I smell really stinky magic
here! Blew! I grabbed hold of that horrible stringy stuff and started
climbing. She had wrapped the other end of her hair around a hook, to
prevent her hair from being jerked out by its roots. I suppose that
is pretty smart.
I
finally slid through the window and found myself in the tower. The
room we were in was a circular room, with a twisting staircase, then
went both up and down. The walls were draped with huge curtains,
which had been pulled back, revealing beautiful paintings. Forest and
sky scenes. Not that I cared much for the fairies. Also there did not
seem to be any men in the paintings.
“You
did not bring the dog!” she informed me. DARN! I had it all
planned. I was going to carry Lasso in one arm, while I hoisted
myself up with my free hand. Touching the hair had distracted me.
“Hold
on, I got it.” I said. I stood up and peered out the window. Then I
grabbed hold of the braid and jiggled it. Lasso grabbed it and I
started hoisting him up.
“Get
that animal out of my hair!” Rapunzel cried. Lasso tried to growl
at her. But by doing so, he had to let go of her hair. Bad luck!
“I
guess you don't want to see the dog then.” I grumbled.
“Not
in my hair!” she retorted.
There
was an awkward pause. For those of you who do not know what an
awkward pause is, it is when everyone stops talking and stares at
each other. Usually one finds, all knowledge has left their minds and
they cannot even remember their own name. I felt like that. She was
staring at me, with one eyebrow raised. I was starting to feel
creeped out, and wondered if it was my hair that was bothering her. I
hadn't had it cut in awhile.
“So
you must be a man.” Rapunzel said after I very nearly decided to
jump out the window. Of course I was a man. What one Royaume was she
thinking?
“Er-
yes!” I said.
“Hmmm...
you look nothing like the descriptions sister Gothel gave me.” she
said, “Your teeth are as flat as mine.” WHAT? I began to edge
away from her. Which unfortunately was in the opposite direction from
the window. “Also your hair does not stick up on end.” she
continued. I ran a hand through my thick and very messy hair. “You
don't appear to have claws.” Had this woman never seen a man
before? What kind of rubbish did her sister tell her. “Your eyes do
not burn with evil fire.” WHAT? Evil fire? Either she is insane or
Gothel is! “Your beard is not wild and bushy either!” I scowled.
I did not really have a beard, more like a scraggly weak excuse of
one. “All in all, I think I like you!” Why thank you ma'am!
I
scowled at her. If it was possible, I would have made my eyes burn
with evil fire and swiped her with my terrible claws.
“What
is the outside world like?” she asked in a pleading voice, “I
need to know! Mama and Gothel refuse to tell me.”
“Your
mother is clearly insane!” I said loftily, “Your Gothely sister
is obviously demented-” I froze, just out the tower window I could
see Gothel and her possessed pet striding towards the tower. I
grabbed Rapunzel's arm. She turned.
“Oh
dear!” she said. I said something stronger.
“Quick,
the back window!” Rapunzel cried, as she unwrapped her hair from
the hook. Did she think I was really going to run from her awful hag
sister and her disgusting pet? I punched open the shutters to the
back window, and had one leg out it before Rapunzel came with her
hair.
“Hurry,
or I jump!” I ordered.
“I
ought not to have let you in!” she moaned. To bad! I was totally
coming back, as soon as possible. As I slid down the hair, I heard
Gothel screeching for Rapunzel to let her in. Lasso came running to
greet me, and the two of us took off as fast as we could.
Joseph
the very brave
Day
11
Dear
Sick Me,
Apparently
mother decided that I am sick. So what if I have slight headache and
my face is all red? Father says I either ate something bad. That
could have have been those berries I ate on the way home yesterday.
Or that I have been running through poison leaf bushes. I bet both
were right. Whoops! Well, anyway, I cannot get back to the tower,
because I have stay in bed. The merchant's daughter was nice, and
made me a pie. You know what, perhaps she is not as bad as I
expected. Elise never made me a pie. I suppose that means that Belle
is a better sister then her. The brat told me I was irresponsible and
Eleanor agreed. So currently I am mad at both of them, and because I
am mad at them, I have to be mad at Jaden and Justin too. After all
they did marry them. If I get married, I shall definitely marry
someone who has very long golden blond hair. Beautiful sparkling blue
eyes, and is tall. This description reminds me of someone. I cannot
think who at the moment. I am too sick.
Joseph
the miserable
Day
12
Dear
Desperately in Need of Good Advice Me,
In
the middle of the night, I realized who the woman of my dreams
reminds me of. Rapunzel! So I do have a secret love in a tower.
HORRIBLE! This is downright embarrassing! First thing in the morning,
I made John fetch Jaden. I was going to swallow my pride and ask him
for advice. Being the oldest, he probably has some good advice.
Hopefully! Maybe there is a way I can ask for it, without making him
realize that Elise was right about the girl.
“You
want what?” he bellowed when I asked him off offhandedly. Sheesh!
Did he think I was not entitled to a little curiosity?
“I
said, how did you introduce yourself to Elaine?” I repeated.
“No,
what was the part, where I thought you said you wanted advice?” he
gasped. I scowled. I could already tell that his advice was not going
to be good. In fact I have this little feeling that just perhaps his
advice would be degrading.
“Alright,
alright!” I snarled, “Just tell me how one introduces oneself to
a girl, so they don't toss you out the window!” I cross my arms and
tried to look angry. It was a little awkward since I was lying down
on a bed.
“You
are nice.” Jaden began. He sounded week. I scowled harder. I was
already nice!
“And-?”
“Saving
a younger siblings life is a good suggestion.” He added, still
sounding like a dying frog. Sheesh! Does that mean I have to save
sister Gothel? Why it would probably be me that was trying to kill
her in the first place!
“And-?”
“Well,”
he looked uncomfortable, “It does not hurt to be persistent.”
“That
is it?” I shouted, “Be nice, save a sibling and be persistent?”
“Calm
down, Joseph!” Jaden said.
“Why?”
I snarled, “I'm stuck in my bed, with nothing to do but die, and
hear bad advice!”
“That
was actually good advice!” he retorted. He is really immature. Then
he stalked out of the room. I believe I shall sulk for the rest of
the day. If the physician says I have to stay in bed one more day, I
will slit his throat and leave anyway.
Joseph
the sulky but scheming prince
Day
13
Dear
Tired Me,
Maybe
I should have listened to the physician. My head feels dizzy, and
every time Polo jolts me, I feel as if I am falling to bits. UGH! In
spite of my pains I made it to the tower in one piece. PHEW! Before
calling for Rapunzel and went through my list a few times. Be nice!
Save Gothel! Be Persistent! If Jaden can do it, so can I!
“Ho
Rapunzel?” I yelled. She stuck her blond head out the window.
“You
again?” she asked, then laughed, “What do you want?”
“I
want you to let down your hair, so I can come up and visit!” I
said. That was pretty nice right? She wrapped her braid around the
hook and tossed the end down to me.
Once
more I felt repulsed by the idea of touching her hair. But I climbed
up anyway. Once in side, she unwrapped her hair and pulled it back
inside.
“Please,
sit down.” she said quietly. Hmmm... it sounds like Jaden was
giving her advice too. This is suspicious. I sat down on a straight
back chair. She sat down on a tall stool and started rocking it.
“So,
why is your hair so long?” I asked. I don't think that was very
nice, but I guess I will have to work with it.
“My
mama never cuts it.” she replied. That's a bit simple, but Jaden
said be persistent.
“But
isn't that a bit long even a bit for never having it cut?” Wow!
This conversation is really going poorly!
“Er-
I think my hair might be magical.” she said. She looking
embarrassed. Magic? I must have gotten in with a crazy woman. It
might be time to change the conversation.
“So
when is your sister Gothel coming back?” I asked. That did not
sound as good as if did in my head.
“Oh
she visits once or twice a weak.” she murmured.
“Do
you think she may be in danger of death soon?”
“What?”
“Never
mind!” This is really going bad.
I
was starting to wish that maybe I had brought Jerome to help with the
talking, when I Lasso started barking. Rapunzel rushed to the window.
“If
that is Gothel, please introduce us.” I said quickly, then added
under my breath, “Unless of course she has sweet little Lolo with
her.”
“No.”
Rapunzel moaned.
“Oh
if you don't want to introduce us, then I shall be off.” I felt a
bit insulted.
“It
is mama!” Rapunzel hissed. She looked terrified.
“You
know what, I hate to brake into a tender family moment.” I said
smoothly, “Do you think that perhaps-”
“The
back window!” Rapunzel cried, and rushed across the room.
“Rapunzel?”
someone screeched from below. Someone with a nasty voice, “Rapunzel
let down your hair!” she sounded cross. Time to go.
Joseph
who still won't meet his girl's family
Day
14
Dear
Persistent me,
So
I went back to Rapunzel's tower today. Jaden said be persistent, so I
shall take his advice. But believe me when I say that it is a hard
job trying to be nice and persistent at the same time. I asked her
what other uses there were for long hair besides using it as a
ladder.
“Nothing
much.” she admitted. I was more then a little disgusted.
“It
would make a great swing!” I told her. We climbed up onto the roof
of the tower and tied her braid to one of the turrets. Then we went
good old fashioned rope swinging. Or in our case, hair swinging. It
was a lot of fun until we crashed into the tower. OUCH! I skinned my
arm and got blood all over her dress.
“Lets
do something else.” she mumbled. So we went back into the tower.
Rapunzel
got out some cloth and queer looking glass jars. Then she poured a
stinging foul smelling brownish substance over my our cuts. She had
to use a lever to pry me off the wall.
“Ouch!”
I screamed, heedless of fast disappearing dignity, “OUCH! Call the
physicians! The skin is burning off my shoulder! OUCH!” I grabbed
hold of the drapes that covered the wall and was half way up them,
before they ripped down.
“The
skin was off your shoulder anyway!” Rapunzel told me. She had no
sympathy at all. I think I hate her.
“So
what else can your hair do?” I squeaked, once the burning had
subsided in my shoulder. I made a vow never to swing on hair again.
“I
can use it like a lasso!” she said.
“Like
my dog?” I asked. What she had said made no sense at all. But I of
course was to polite to say so.
“No,
silly.” she laughed. She laughed at me? How dare her! I scowled
angrily, as she tied the end of her braid into a loop. It looked like
a hangman's noose. She walked across the room carrying the noose. I
watched her warily. This did not look promising. She tossed the
noose up in the air, and used the braid like a rope. For a few
seconds she kept the noose dancing in the air, then she sent it
spinning straight towards me. Plop! It dropped over my head.
“UGH!”
I screamed. I should have realized she would try to hang me. I tried
to make a dash for the window, but the noose pulled tight. I could
not breathe. I grabbed at the braid and tugged. It got tighter. I
dropped to the floor with an undignified gurgle.
“Oh
dear!” the witch laughed. Then she pulled the noose off. I gasped
for breath. I needed to get out of there.
“I
am so persistent.” I croaked, “But it is killing me.” I coughed
and took a few more deep gulps of fresh air.
“I
am sorry.” she said humbly, “Do you want to see what else it
does?” I backed away from her warily. This did not look promising.
She untied the noose. I breathed a sigh of relief. A big sigh. Once
more she went to the other end of the room. I edged towards the
window. I was not going to be caught unawares this time.
“Ready.”
I muttered. She cracked that crusty braid like a whip. As it snaked
towards me, I yelped and started to climb out the window. The braid
caught me in the face. It felt worse then the time James dared me to
stick my head in a bee hive. I lost my balance and tumbled out the
window. Then I died! The END!
“Sir
man, are you alright?” Rapunzel screamed as she rushed to the
window. I forced my eyes opened, and found that I was holding onto
the braid. My feet were two inches from the ground and Lasso was
licking my sore shoulder. I am so going to rename him!
“Just
leaving.” I mumbled as I forced my hands to let go of the braid. I
was running before I touched the ground.
Joseph
the terrified prince
Day
15
Dear
not persistent me,
So
Jaden's advice was rotten! Therefor I must go to the next best.
Justin! He must have something worth hearing. Of course if he tells
me to be persistent and save a baby sibling I shall do something
really harsh to him. Rapunzel is killing me! Jaden's advice is
killing me too!
“You
need advice?” Justin asked me in a very slow voice. Does he think
he is a sloth or something?
“I
need advice now!” I shouted, “Surely you courted Eleanor
somehow!”
“She
was asleep most of the time.” he said with a shrug.
“And
to think I told you to speed up!” I snarled, “I think I know more
then you do!”
“Saving
her life might help.” he suggested, “Also getting hurt and
lettering her take care of you.” Hmm.. not bad. Saving her life is
a lot better then saving Gothel. I could always push her out of the
tower, then rescue her at the last minute. Letting her take care of
me will certainly not work. She already did that!
“Thank
you for the advice my dear brother.” I said as I pounded him on the
back. His blue eyes bulged.
“What?”
he gulped. I had never realized that he actually resembled a dead
fish, “Did you just thank me?” he has the brains of a dead fish
too!
“Goodbye!”
I shouted and took off. If I left right away I could escape having to
talk with him again. Unfortunately Eleanor blocked my path.
“Whatever
you are up to, don't take Justin's advice. In fact don't take any of
your brother's advice!” she told me in a very bossy voice. Just as
I was about to retort, I realized that she was a girl. So she
probably knows.
“What
do you suggest?”
“Find
out what she wants!” Eleanor said, “Then give it to her!” What
horrible advice.
Joseph
who gets to much rotten advice.
Day
16
Dear
perplexed me,
I
did not go back to the tower yesterday or today. I still got to
think. Maybe I shall go tomorrow or tonight. Should I take Jaden's
advice and shove Gothel out the window. Or take Justin's advice and
shove Rapunzel out the window. Perhaps Eleanor was right. Maybe I
should just buy her as much sweets and roses as I could find. That
has got to be her dearest wish. At least I assume it is. All girls
seem to like that kind of rubbish.
I
had a sparring lesson on horseback today, along with John and Jerome.
So well the three of us whacked at each other, I asked for their
opinions on Jaden and Justin's advice. I forgot that one should never
ask Jerome a question.
“Well,
I may not be an authority on the subject of ladies.” Jerome began,
in that smug voice that meant exactly the opposite.
“Here
we go again.” John sighed. He sounded bored.
“But
I can assure you, no lady would ever appreciate being pushed out of a
tower.” Jerome continued, “Nor would she appreciate you shoving
her sister out. Also she would take the sweets and flowers, then go
flirt with someone else.”
“I
doubt that will be a-” Jerome did not let me finish, but continued
ranting.
“But
of course, all girls are overly romantic. Therefore your love would
probably become more attached to you for throwing her out and
rescuing her at the last second. It would be so romantic, that she
would overlook the fact that you threw her out in the first place.
Believe me if her sister is as attractive as your love, do not even
dream about rescuing her after you throw her out the window. That
would make you sister madly in love with you. Your love will grow
jealous. So insanely jealous that she will poison you and her
sister.” I shuddered. “Of course if you keep bringing her sweets
and roses she will look forward to your visits. But in the end all
you will have is a broken heart. As for you money, you shall be lucky
if you have so much as a farthing left.” I knocked Jerome off his
horse and galloped off. I had learned absolutely nothing.
Joseph
who is suffering from an earache
Day
17
Dear
overly tired me,
To
all men out there, let me give you a word of advice. Never promise to
give a lady her dearest wish until you know what it is! I learned
very much from that mistake.
I
arrived at the tower midday. I had a bag of sweets and a large
bouquet of flowers in Polo's saddle bag. I had even groomed Lasso,
whom from now on I shall be calling Punz, for reasons no one needs to
be knowing. I knocked on the tower.
“Rapunzel
are you home?” I called in a honey sweet voice. She appeared at the
window.
“You
came back?” she cried. I could almost believe she sounded happy.
“Of
course I came back!” I cried, “Can I come up?”
“Just
a minute.” she called back, then wrapped her braid around the hook
and lowered it down to me.
Once
I reached the tower I realized that I had left the flowers and sweets
n the saddle bag. Once I finished cursing myself, I remembered my
manners. I bowed gracefully. I even managed to regain my balance
after almost tripping. For some reason she was laughing. Perhaps she
is not used to such gallantry.
“My
dear Rapunzel, what do you desire most?” I asked. She stared at me.
I wondered if perhaps I should have bowed after the question.
“To
know your name.” she said. What kind of stupid wish was that.
“You
want to know my name?” I yelped, “What happened with wanting good
old fashioned sweets and beautiful roses?”
“Well-”
“What
happened to damsels in distress fainting and singing? What happened
to girls liking flowers?”
“But-”
“How
can a girl ask for something so dumb?” I noticed that her arms were
crossed and she had one eyebrow raised. “What?”
“I
would still like to know your name.” she said. Stupid! Stupid!
Stupid!
“Joseph!”
I said bluntly, “It is easy to remember, because all my brothers
names start with J too!”
Sometimes
girls are really really greedy! I mean so greedy that it bothers me.
If a boy had been asked what his favorite wish was, he would have had
the dignity to name only one wish. I ask Rapunzel and she names two!
Greedy! Greedy! Greedy! Her first wish was to know my name, of
course. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Her second wish was something that
you will never ever guess! It is just as stupid as the first wish!
“I
wish I could see the world!” she said. See, so dumb and stupid! She
did not even wish for one small bag of gold.
“Easy,
just climb down your hair and take a look!” I told her.
“That
is really stupid.” she retorted.
“So
is carting around a hundred feet of hair!” I snapped.
“It
is not even fifteen feet.” she protested.
“Fine!”
I snapped, “I shall take you to see the world!” I have never seen
anyone so excited as her.
Getting
out of the tower was a lot of hard, really hard work. I am totally
exhausted. I climbed down first, then waited on the ground, while she
unwrapped her braid. She used it like a pulley, to lower herself as
far as if would go before dropping the rest of the way. I would say
she dropped lightly and gracefully into my arms, and I caught her
like a feather. But that would be a lie. What really happened was she
dropped into my arms and flattened my like a patty cake. It was
painful!
Once
we were back on her feet, I put her on Polo, and grandly offered to
walk. But my loyal horse would not budge without me on his back as
well. He shall get a lump of sugar for that. Now I really must go.
There is a whole world waiting to be seen.
Joseph
the renowned traveler
P.S.
Sheesh!
Write in my diary, will you? This is private! Keep out!
Day
18
Dear
soaked and much abused me,
I
hate traveling! In stories you read about great adventures, but they
are mostly lies. They never mention the burning nettle, rain, flies,
biters, crawlers, vultures, snakes, mud, cold, heat, and the general
lack of a hot meal and warm bed. Another thing is, when a girl is
toting around fourteen feet of extra long hair, be prepared for a lot
of back braking.
I
tolerated, sitting behind Rapunzel for nearly an hour. But then I was
breathing and eating hair. It was literally killing me. I told Polo
one of us was getting off. Rapunzel sure was not going to be a lady
and let me ride my own horse, so I considered pushing her off. But
before I could, Polo bucked us both off.
“You
pushed me!” Rapunzel screeched, as she hung upside down from a tree
by her hair. It would have been comical if I was not lying face down
in a pile of some fresh forest leftovers. I will leave it to your
imagination.
“I
did not push you!” I screeched, as I spat and rubbed my tongue.
Punz bounded around us barking, and Polo looked down his nose at us.
I really and sincerely hate traveling.
It
was hours before we got Rapunzel's hair untangled. By that time, her
hair was pulling half the forest. It was disgusting. Punz even went
for a ride on it. GROSS! I went for my knife.
“What
are you doing?” Rapunzel screeched as he dragged her hair away from
me.
“Giving
you a much needed haircut!” I retorted, “This journey is a no go,
until you get your head sheered!”
“You
cannot!” she sobbed. I stared at her, one would think that she
would be eager to rid herself of at least twelve feet of the horrible
hair. “Mama would murder me.” Her mother must be demented.
“Consider,
that you already left her and ran away with the first available man.”
I told her bluntly, “If she is not angry about that, then you are
probably safe!”
“No,
you do not know mama!” she protested.
“Tell
her I forced you to get it cut!” I snarled. I reached for the
disgusting stuff. She snapped the hair at me. “OUCH!” I screamed
as the knife was flicked out of my hand. Now thanks to Miss selfish,
I have an angry red welt on the palm of my hand. I can tell that it
is going to be a long hard and very distressful journey.
Day
19
Dear
half dead me,
I
am half drowned by rain! Half dead with cold! Half starved! Half
blind- alright maybe not quite that! But I am half dead! We have been
wandering around in a swamp all night. So in the future when a lady
you are trying to impress asks to see the world, give her sweets
instead. Because, believe me when I say there is no way you can
impress a lady when you are sitting up to your shoulders in mud and
crying like a baby for your nice comfortable bed! Not that I did that
of course! Just almost!
I
was half asleep and caked with an even layer of dry mud, when an
arrow slammed into the ground between my feet. Punz started growling
and snarling from the relative safety of behind my back. Rapunzel
screamed and grabbed Polo around the neck. I was glad that I was on
the other side of Polo otherwise she might have tried strangling me.
“It
looks like we are being attacked!” I commented as I scraped crusty
mud off my nose. Rapunzel glared at me.
“Where
would you get that idea?” she demanded. From the arrow obviously.
About ten or so people in ragged brown and green tunics shuffled out
of the scraggly trees. Punz snarled at them. I booted him forward.
“Get
over there and protect us!” I ordered. A small child person with
dirty blond hair threw a rock at my poor dog. Punz put his tail
between his legs and shot off through the mud whimpering. So much for
his rotten loyalty.
“Your
dog is as cowardly as you!” Rapunzel informed me as she unwrapped
her arms from Polo's neck. This is hardly fair since I was no coward.
Why I could even best Jaden at a shooting match! Isn't that bravery?
“What
do we do with these persons?” the small blond haired boy asked. A
big man who was twice as fat as me and head yellowed teeth leered at
us.
“Bring
'em along Rowan!” he sneered. I drew my sword. That is when someone
hit me from behind. OUCH! Some people just have no sense of a fair
fight!
Joseph
ill-used
Day
20
Dear
brave me,
I
awoke with a really bad headache. Oh my aching head. I could not even
think clearly. I was lying on my side, staring at a blindingly bright
fire, in what I suppose was a cave. I was also bound and stretched
out in a puddle. Rowan the rotten little blond haired thief was
polishing a saddle next to the fire. It was not just an saddle, it
was MY saddle!
“Thief!”
I croaked. Rowan did not even bother to look up, the filthy cur.
“Joseph,
you are awake.” Rapunzel cried from behind me. She did not need to
point out the obvious.
“Yes!
Now untie me!” I yelped.
“I
am sorry, but-”
“No
talking!” Rowan ordered solemnly. I clamped my mouth shut. What had
these monsters done to Polo? I hoped Punz had the sense to run home.
Rowan got up and began to stir something in a bot.
“What
is that?” Rapunzel asked. She sounded perfectly at ease. I rolled
over on my back, so I could see her. Her long hair was covered in
mud, dirt and twigs, but her face was perfectly calm.
“Horse
stew!” Rowan said.
“MONSTER!”
I screamed, angry tears stinging my eyes.
I
do not know how long I lay in that mucky puddle mourning for my
ill-behaved horse, but I finally came to my senses, when Rapunzel
started poking me.
“Why
can a fellow not even mourn his horse without a rude interruption?”
I yelled.
“Really
Joseph?” Rapunzel said, she sounded slightly disgusted, “Your
precious horse is standing right behind you.” I squinted backwards.
“Oh.”
I said flatly. Polo stared at me then nickered softly.
“Your
friend is a big idiot!” Rowan told Rapunzel. She laughed. I
scowled. That was hurtful.
“You
know you will get caught.” I blustered, trying to cover up my
embarrassment, my face felt like it was burning.
“Oh
we can get out of it easily.” Rowan said calmly as he tasted what
was not Polo stew.
“Have
you ever been caught before?” Rapunzel asked.
“If
not he soon will be!” I snapped. I wondered what this little snob
would say if he knew I was a prince. Probably make my father pay a
ransom for me. I scowled even harder. Father would be glad of the
excuse to be rid of me forever.
“Yes.”
Rowan said quietly, “It was almost seventeen years ago.”
“Seventeen
years ago?” I repeated, “How old are you?”
“I
am assuming it was before you were born.” Rapunzel said with a
smile, “And you mean it was your gang caught, not you.” Rowan
nodded.
“Seven
years before. My father and three of his brothers, they run this
group, stole some cabbage from a witch.” he said. I imagine that
went poorly.
“And
this witch caught them?” Rapunzel prompted.
“How
did you escape?” I asked. Rowan's eyes narrowed.
“Father
exchanged my sister for their freedom.” he said. Rapunzel choked.
“Gross!”
I said. What kind of vulgar no good father uses his daughter's life
to save his own wretched skin?
Our
charming little conversation was interrupted as two large men, with
hair that resembled straw stacks, entered the cave.
“So
what are we doing with these two?” the older man asked.
“Do
ya think we could maybe git a ransom for 'em?” the other one asked.
“Na.”
his companion grunted, “Look at there clothes. They is poor grungy
peasants!” I gritted my teeth, but kept my mouth shut. For once I
was thinking straight and not loosing my temper. The second man
pulled on his neckerchief and let his tongue protrude from his mouth
and his eyes bulged.
“How
about a sudden drop?” he asked. I felt my blood begin to curdle.
“Excellent
Nibs.” the older man said, “I shall fetch the others, you git the
rope.”
Once
they were gone, I let out a long agonized wail. You would probably
have done the same thing if you knew that you were going to be hung.
“We
are going to be hung and turned into crows meat!” I bellowed.
“Tell
your dumb friend to shut up!” Rowan said. Rapunzel inched towards
me.
“Joseph
calm down.” she said. I hesitated. Rowan drew a knife.
“UGH!”
I screamed. Rapunzel winced. Rowan rolled his eyes and marched over
to us. I sat up. A surprising accomplishment, if you consider that I
was tied up. I inched in front of Rapunzel.
“Fight
an unarmed man will you?” I snarled. He rolled his eyes again. I
was seriously getting sick of this idiot, with his eye rolling and I
am better then you attitude. He grabbed me by the neck. I closed my
eyes. The cold steal sliced through my shirt and barely grazed my
skin. I jerked my eyes opened with another yelp. Rowan was cutting me
free. Then he moved on to Rapunzel.
Once
we were free, Rowan grabbed Polo's bridle and led him over to us. I
reached for the saddle, but Rowan grabbed my arm and threatened me
with the knife.
“You
take your lady friend and get out of here.” he said, “The saddle
stays with me.”
“Why?”
I asked angrily, “That's my-”
“The
gems encrusted in the side will sell quite well.” Rowan said
smoothly, “They will bring us a fortune!”
“Monster!”
I snarled, but I put Rapunzel on Polo's back and climbed up behind
her. That saddle was a gift from my father. John had one just like
it. Justin and James also had matching saddles too. It was part of
the perks of being a twin.
Once
we had left the cave far behind, Rapunzel remarked on the fact that
there was no thieves anywhere near the mouth of the cave.
“It
is almost as if they wanted us to escape.” she said. What a fool!
Who complains that they escaped easily?
“But
they still got my saddle!” I grumbled out loud. Rapunzel kicked me.
It was an awkward kick since she was sitting in front of me on a
galloping horse.
“How
can you talk about a saddle at a time like this?” she cried.
“It
was my special saddle!” I mumbled.
“That
boy, Rowan.” she said, ignoring me, “He was my brother!” I
froze. How could he be her brother? What about her scary mama, and
sister Gothel?
“What?”
I squawked.
“I'm
serious, if they sold me for a handful of cabbage then that boy is my
sister! After all my mama is a witch!” Oh gross my future in-law is
going to be a witch?
Joseph
the very shocked prince
P.S.
I
did not say my mama was a witch! And she most certainly is not going
to be your future in-law, unless you are planning on marrying Gothel!
~Rapunzel
Me
again,
DUH!
Rapunzel
speaking,
What
is that supposed to mean?
Me
again,
Would
you leave my stupid diary alone?
Rapunzel
speaking,
Why
are you so grouchy?
Me
again,
I
am so not answering that!
Day
21
Dear
angry me,
After
wandering around in a marsh for hours Punz showed up. I rushed to his
side and hugged him. I was so relieved that the thieves had not
killed him.
“That
mangy mutt betrayed us, how can you embrace him?” Rapunzel asked.
Apparently girls have no idea how true the saying about dogs being
mans best friend, is.
“He
is my faithful Punz.” I told her coolly, “He never betrayed me!”
“Hold
on, I thought his name was Lasso?” Rapunzel cried. Girls sure are
dumb.
“I
changed it to Punz after I found out what a lasso was capable of.”
I told her. It should have already been obvious to her. Rapunzel was
silent for a while, except for the slapping sound as she tried to
kill the mosquitoes before they drained all her blood. Then a glint
entered her eyes. I tightened my grip on Punz's flee bit tin mangy
hide.
“Let
me tell you a few puns, Joseph. They are so punnily.” she smirked.
“Huh?”
I gaped. The slow drainage of blood had obviously destroyed what
reason she had.
“Did
I tell you about the man my mama cut the entire left side of his
body?” she asked. My hair literally stood up on end.
“She
did what?” I croaked.
“He
is all right.” Rapunzel whispered.
“He
must have been very strong.” I said impressed, “It certainly is
amazing that he is alrgiht. He probably lost some important parts of
his- wait did you say all right, or alright?” My eyes started
narrowing. This did not look promising. Rapunzel grinned. Was she
making fun of me?
“Last
week Gothel and I were arguing in the cellar.” she said, “Then a
jug started coming at me.” I mentally braced myself. “Then it hit
me! Gothel had thrown it.”
“UGH!”
I screamed.
“It
is a trap!” she cried.
“Where?”
I yelled, and looked around wildly.
“If you spell part backwards.” she smirked. I stared at her, my eyes had narrowed to thin slits.
“If you spell part backwards.” she smirked. I stared at her, my eyes had narrowed to thin slits.
“What?”
I asked grimly.
“I
have a few jokes about unemployed people like you.” she said, “But
I will not say them, because you do not work anyway!”
“Shut
up! I yelled.
“I
hope I did not ruffle you feathers!” she said sweetly. I stared
hard at her. I had to think up a witty reply or live with those
insults for the rest of my life.
“I
see you are about to start on the bird puns!” I snarled, “Well
toucan play at this game.”
“Huh?”
she said. I felt a sense of peace wash over me.
“You
know like the bird, toucan.” I pointed out, “You are so
emu-sing.”
“Joseph,
that does not even make any sense.” she said.
“You
are so hawk-ward.” I smirked.
“JOSEPH?”
Rapunzel snapped at me, “Your puns do NOT quack me up!”
“Your
company is always a tweet!” I continued, feeling very pleased with
myself.
“Sparrow
me your horrible puns!” she snapped. She most certainly was not
going to get the last pun in.
“Haha.”
I laughed, “So now you are a mockingbird.”
“That
is not even a pun.” she cried, I was about to lift my hands
triumphantly, “You better not make me fly off the handle!” Blast!
Punz was so getting a new name.
“Alright,
I will beak careful!” I muttered. She turned and stalked off.
“Owl
be right back.” she called over her shoulder.
“I
am talon you that there is-” someone coughed and I clamped my mouth
shut.
“Please
do not move.” a cold voice from behind me said. I whirled, my hair
literally stood up on end. I knew that voice.
“Mama?”
Rapunzel gasped. A tall woman with stiff blond hair, yanked back in a
bun was striding towards us. In one hand she held a hairless gray
thing, which looked like a cross between a dead cat and deformed rat.
The terrible mama of Rapunzel. The one that bought her daughter with
cabbage.
“Rapunzel
darling.” the woman said coldly, “I have been searching
everywhere for you.”
“Mama,
I can explain.” Rapunzel gasped. Her face had turned pale. I
scowled. This woman had no right to treat people like trash.
“Madame
why don't you leave the girl alone!” I snarled. The woman whirled
and fixed a piercing gaze on me. I refused to wither.
“I
am mama Gascony.” she hissed, “And you just made a mistake.”
“Goodbye
silly little man.” Gothel's voice hissed from behind me. UGH! Why
do these creeps keep materializing behind me. I whirled, just in time
to see a stick swing at my face.
“Well
this is hawk-ward.” I gasped, then I felt as if my head had
exploded and everything went black.
Joseph
the very much unconscious and totally punny prince
Day
22
Dear
awkward me,
Some
people say that it is the worst thing to wake up to a long day of
back braking work. These people are fools! There is definitely
something worse! Something a hundred times worse. Do you want me to
tell you what it is? Well, it is when you wake up and you are hanging
upside down from a tree branch, which is hanging over a roaring
waterfall. That is what is a hundred times worse. How I got there is
no mystery of course, that horrible cabbage woman and her repulsive
daughter Gothel trapped me here! I can hardly breathe. I am so
uncomfortable. At least my hands are free, so I can write. You might
say, why don't you just reach up and untie your feet? Well, have you
ever been hanging by your feet about fifty feet in the air, upside
down? If so, you would know how utterly impossible it is to get free.
It is rather hard to write upside down too. I got ink splotches all
over my face, and my writing never looked so bad.
Say,
you know I can do here? I can bounce up and down and the branch
shakes like crazy. Even the tree bends slightly. This is so much fun,
I wonder if I could brake the branch off completely. That would be so
much fun. It might lesson the boringness of the whole situation. I
could even fall to my death. That would be so much less boring.
Joseph
the still imprisoned and sick feeling prince
Day
23
Dear
about to be freed me,
Have
you ever slept hanging upside down from a tree branch? I didn't think
so. Do you realize I am dying here? My brains have slowly leaked out
of my ears over night, and my eyes are strained from caring my entire
weight. I believe I must be having hallucinations too. Did you know
people that have been on their head for two nights and a day with
nothing to eat start hallucinating? Well guess what I saw climbing on
the branch. I could have sworn it was Punz, who I shall now call
Thorn, because reasons which are none of your business. Next to Punz
Thorn was that annoying little robber midget, what's his name, ah
yes, Rowan.
“Hold
still sir.” Rowan said. Did you know that hallucinations could
talk. Thorn barked at me. They bark too? How astonishing. Rowan
tugged on the rope. The branch split and we all dropped into the
water some fifty feet below us. What a joke! I love hallucinations,
they are the best. But I could feel the pain just as well as if it
really happened. I don't remember what it
Joseph
the once more unconscious prince
Day
24
Dear
very sick and possibly dying me,
I
awoke and felt like someone had attempted to kill me. The pain was
real. Thorn was standing over me barking wildly. My clothes were wet,
and there was no sign of Rowan. Where was Rapunzel? Did Gothel and
witch mama take her back to that horrible tower? I tried to sit up
and my head started spinning. I lost three days worth of food, which
was odd since I hadn't eaten in two days. My head was spinning and
Thorn's barking was making my ears ache. I blinked a few times, and
wondered where I was. My eyelids felt heavy as led. I closed them for
a minute.
I
awoke to find someone poking me. The shadows had lengthened and I
knew more then a few hours had passed. Jerome and Eleanor were
staring down at me.
“Oh
lord of dragons, angels preserve us, king of heaven, someone, anyone,
please tell me he isn't dead.” Jerome was babbling. I groaned.
“Jerome,
dead people do not usually open and close their eyes.” Elanor
cried. She knelt down beside me. “Can you move?” I choked, and
tried to sit up. My head spun, quickly I lay down again.
“Nope.”
I croaked.
“Jerome,
run back for a few servants.” Eleanor ordered. She sounded calm and
collected. Who knows, maybe she actually did this all the time. I
lost interest in the proceedings again.
Once
more I awoke. This time I was in my own bed. John was seated at my
foot and Elise was fluttering about my head. Mother was directing the
servants and there was a heavy, very damp cloth on my forehead.
“Water?”
I croaked. Someone gave me a teaspoon of water. The beast. Then I
remembered plunging down towards the churning water. I promptly threw
up all the water, and then some of my insides.
I
don't believe I shall write any more tonight. Yours truly, me.
Joseph
the still sick prince
Day
25
Dear
in desperate need of advice and feeling much better me,
Well,
after another long terrible night, I believe I am on the path to
recovery. Luckily no one has asked me what happened. All that rubbish
about Thorn and a robber boy climbing a tree and jumping into the
water with me, must have been an hallucination. But now that I am
feeling much better, I am worrying non-stop about Rapunzel. Where is
she? Did her cabbage selling mama harm her? Did she even try to save
me?
After
about two hours of worrying, instead of resting, I got out of bed. I
was going to get some more advice. I felt dizzy and my stomach
churned slightly, but I ignored it and staggered down to the older
twins' bedchamber. Or the one that used to be theirs. I believe James
and Belle had it now. When I entered, I found James sitting cross
legged on the bed, sharpening a knife. He looked at me, then shot off
the bed.
“What
are you doing up?” he yelped and forced me to sit down on a chair.
“James,
I need advice, real bad.” I said.
“Let
me give you some.” he said sharply, “Get back in your bed and
stay there until mother says you can get.”
“But
I want to get married.” I wailed before I could bite my tongue.
James sat down, forgetting that I was sitting in the chair.
“You
what?” he squawked, “Who is this person?”
“Her
name is Rapunzel, she has fourteen feet of hair, and her mama bought
her for a pile of cabbage.” I said. Inwardly I cursed myself. That
had sounded so much better in my mind.
“In
that case, offer her mama cabbage for her hand.” James said. He was
most certainly poking fun at me. I stood up.
“I
just might do that.” I snapped and returned to my own bedchamber.
Joseph
the very annoyed prince
Day
26
Dear
flabbergasted me,
I
planned on heading back to the tower today, but something happened,
and I could not. I mean I could have, but I did not, because it would
have been rude and insensitive. I had to stay, no matter how ugly,
red, bald and wrinkly she was. Wait, I think I am getting ahead of
myself, I forgot to tell you what I was talking about. Well, anyway,
Belle had a baby! An ugly baby! A really ugly baby! She looks exactly
like, how one would imagine a peasant baby to look like. It is not
hard to guess that her mother is only a merchant's daughter.
I
was feeling much better today, so mother said I could leave my
chamber at look at my niece. She was born in the night so I missed
that too. I tell you, I took one look at that hideous child and
nearly died!
“Oh
James I am so sorry.” Jerome told our older brother, as he patted
him on the arm.
“Isn't
she beautiful?” James murmured. I stared at him. He hated anything
ugly. John twirled his finger in a circle by his ear. Justin and I
nodded emphatically. James was clearly in denial.
“She
is so adorable!” Elise cooed.
“Elise,
do not encourage our nutty brother!” Jerome cried.
“Maybe
Elise finds her adorable because she is a girl instead of a boy.”
John suggested.
“Boys,
how can you be so insensitive?” Elise barked, and kicked Justin.
“Ouch!”
he yelped. My sisters-in-law turned and frowned at us.
“Who
wants to take the first turn holding her?” James asked proudly, as
he picked up the creature and carried it towards us. There was a mad
scramble towards the door as we all tried to escape the horrible
creature.
“Sorry,
got to dash.” Jaden gasped, “I have a counsel meeting.”
“That
was canceled.” father protested, but Jaden was gone.
“I
have to meet a- a person.” Justin gasped, “Very important, James,
I will touch the little thing later.” he rushed after Jaden. John
and Jerome did not even make an excuse. I shrugged.
“Really?
No one?” James asked looking surprised, “What about you Joseph?”
“I
might break her!” I yelped and slipped out the door.
Joseph
the prince who had his narrowest escape yet
Day
27
Dear
me,
I
have been spending nearly two whole days avoiding James. I have
discovered my worst fear. Do you want to hear it? Sure you do! It is
listening to a new father rant about his gorgeous beautiful daughter,
when you know she is anything but gorgeous and beautiful! Justin puts
up with it the most. I suppose because James is his twin brother.
Jaden is very good at pretending to listen, but actually changing the
subject. Elise and mama talk about the creature nonstop! It is so
killing me. Anyway, I am going to go back to the tower tomorrow, I do
not care how insensitive it is. This time I am bringing a sword. I
will be ready to fight off robbers, terrifying cabbage selling
mothers and evil sharp tongued sisters.
Joseph
the handsome
Day
28
Dear
relieved me,
Thorn,
and I are back at the tower. I wish Polo was with me, but he is still
missing. Anyway, I went up to the tower.
“Rapunzel?”
I shouted, “Are you there?” she appeared in the window. I was
relieved. She looked alright.
“Joseph?”
she cried. She had never sounded so sweet.
“Can
I come up?” I asked, then thought to add, “Please?” She
hesitated for a minute, then nodded.
“Let
me lower my hair.” she said.
Once
I was up in the tower, Rapunzel flung her arms around me, and started
crying. I awkwardly patted her hair.
“I
thought you died.” she cried.
“Your
cabbage mother cannot get the best of me!” I said with a smirk. But
I was pleased that she had been upset. She stepped back. I felt
rather disappointed, I think I like hugs.
“You
must leave!” she cried. I felt my eyes bulging.
“Why?”
I demanded.
“If
you stay here, mama Gascony will kill us both!” she gasped. My eyes
narrowed to thin slits.
“I
will leave, but only if you come with me.” I told her sharply. She
lifted the hem of her dress. Some low down sneak of a swine had put
an iron ring around her ankle. A chain was attached to it, the other
end was attached to an iron ring in the wall.
“Blast!”
was all I could say. She grabbed my arm.
“If
you brought a file maybe I could free myself, then we could escape.”
she cried.
“At
once, fair lady!” I told her, then hastily climbed down her hair.
Tomorrow, when I come back, I shall leave the file with her, soon she
will be free, then I can rescue her.
Joseph
the jubilant prince
Day
29 that really is day 31
Dear
Joseph,
On
a side note here, my name is Rowan. Because of an awkward thing that
happened two days ago, I am now writing for Joseph, as he is unable
too. I shall first catch you up on what happened in those two days.
So
Joseph says he went to the tower and banged his head against it. I
mean he banged a stick against it. He just tried to strangle me! Well
anyway, he starts hollering for his lady friend. She throws her gross
disgusting pile of dirty blondness out the window. Can you believe
how stupid this person is? He actually climbed the disgusting stuff!
I would rather have died. Much rather.
Well,
he says, that when he reached the top, there was no girl attached to
the other end of the braid. Believe me when I say, I would have
jumped right back out the window. But Joseph was obviously too dumb
for that. He says he grabbed the end of the braid and started
screaming for the lady. Then a blond witch, the same one that
supposedly bought my sister for a bellyful of cabbage, grabbed him
and stabbed his eyes out with a thorn, then she threw him out the
tower. This woman is sick! Definitely a witch! I mean who goes around
and stabs random boys in the eyes with thorns! Revolting! She then
proceeded to toss him out of the tower.
So
Joseph lay at the foot of the tower for a long time, with no eyes and
a broken leg. He was in really bad shape. Poor man! I almost feel
sorry for threatening him the other time we met. Almost, but not
quite.
Signing
with a flourish,
Rowan
Thief's boy
Day
30 which is still actually day 31
Dear
still very much blind prince,
I
just found out Joseph is a prince. This is rather awkward. Well,
maybe I shall be less rude in my entries. Prince's have a way of
getting over there difficulties, it would be terrible if he got his
sight back and read what I wrote.
Anyway,
after the prince lay at the foot of the tower with his broken leg,
possibly broken arm and bad eyes, all night, he finally came too, and
got up. He says he wandered around for quite some time, without any
clue of where he was going. He wept and moaned for his lost love, the
pain was nothing to him compared with the pain of loosing her. On a
side note, I think she is actually my sister, the one father
exchanged for the cabbage.
Oh
great, Joseph is grabbing me by the neck again. He wants me to write
that he did not spend a whole day weeping for Rapunzel. He says she
is probably in better shape then him. My, he is really unromantic! I
am disgusted. Well, that is all that happened on day thirty. Hmm.. I
wonder why it is day thirty. What happened on day one? Hang on a
second, I will ask Joseph.
Guess
what this crazy prince said happened? He said on day one the
important thing was, that he started this diary! How come I did not
think of that?
Signing
with a flourish,
Rowan
Thief's boy
Day
31 which is really the right date
Dear
sad prince,
So
something really important happened to our dear prince Joseph today.
Today was the day my uncle Gastiff and I found the poor fellow
wandering around and basically starving to death. Now he is in a
cave. His leg and arm bound up nicely, and hot food in his belly. He
even has a bandage around his eyes. Father says if he lasts one more
day he will survive. Now that is a pleasant thought.
The
first thing Joseph did once he had been patched up, was to ask me,
bright boy that I am, to write for him in his journal. This is so
much more fun then running through the forest and setting snares.
Besides, he cannot stop me if I steal his food.
Oh
whoops, I am supposed to be writing what he dictates. He wants me to
write, that the floor is to hard, the bandages to scratchy, and that
there is a filthy smell in the air. What can I say? Princes are known
for complaining. Besides I have to agree with him. I wonder if father
and uncle Gastiff will make him pay for food, lodgings, and
doctoring? Should I tell father, that the girl he threatened to hang
is really my sister? No, I will not, he is already in a foul mood.
Joseph brings up that rope every five seconds. I think if father had
really tried to hang the him or Rapunzel, Joseph would have killed
him. Princes are also know for their swordsmanship. Anyway, lets see
what tomorrow brings.
Signing
with a flourish,
Rowan
Thief's boy
Day
32
Dear
Joseph,
Well
you dear prince sat staring at the fire today, a fairy appeared. She
was dressed all in blue and looked smug. Father fell flat on his face
and started babbling about how he only stole to support his dying
family. The liar! Joseph stood up, and screeched at the fairy to give
him his eyesight back. Good Grief! How could he dare yell at a fairy?
He must be mostly stupid! We all expected her to turn him into a
frog. Instead she told him the cure was at hand, but that you must
seek her out again and find hidden love. Then she disappeared.
Joseph, you started crying. Men do NOT cry! What is your problem?
Once
the fairy had vanished, father got up and grabbed Joseph by the
shoulders and started shaking him.
“Listen
prince.” he bellowed, “If we help you find the cure, then will
you have us pardoned for disturbing your gracefulness?” The prince
sneered at my father. I could hardly blame him.
“Find
me the cure.” was all he said out loud. It's most astonishing
watching ten grown and almost illiterate thugs pouring over bejeweled
books looking for the way to cure one crazy prince. I could have
saved them the pain by telling them that the books were about
manners, fashions, and foreign countries. The usual trash you steal
from travelers. Not remedy books. But it was to amusing.
Rowan
Thief's boy
Day
33
Dear
Joseph,
Well,
the crazy prince finally had enough. He got up today and said we
could all go to the fiery place, and that he was off on his own. He
left this silly little book in my hand. So I grabbed my slingshot and
ran after him.
“Rowan!”
father screeched after me, but I forgot to reply.
“Stop
following me!” Joseph screeched, drowning out father's voice.
“I'm
not.” I told him stiffly, “You just left your book behind.” he
sighed.
“Well?”
he asked.
“What?”
“Will
you?
“Will
I what?”
“Will
you keep writing and being my eyes?”
“Yes!”
Oh man, this is going to be so much fun. I am off on an adventure
with a blind prince, to seek out a fairy, a cure and a love. What
could get more exciting then that?
Rowan
Thief's boy
Day
34
Dear
Joseph,
I
am used to wild living, but the nutty prince makes it more wild.
Joseph is killing me. How can a blind spoiled young man go taring
through the countryside, through forests, through rivers, through
anything and still live? UGH! I woke up this morning shivering. What
new deaths was this prince dreaming of defying today. Surely not tree
hopping. I did that once, but it was not a blind man leading me.
Well, guess who just got up? I knew you would never guess. It is the
prince, of course.
“Morning
Rowan.” he told a tree on his other side. I am rolling my eyes now.
“I decided, fairies have got to hide somewhere that people do not
like, so I figured we should look for a cave.” I did not have the
heart to tell him that the only cave in the forest or for hundreds of
miles around it, was the one my father and the rest of the gang lived
in.
“You
will fail.” I told him kindly.
I
am sure there is a saying somewhere, that if fools and wise men
cannot do it, by all means send a blind man to get the job done.
Well, that saying applies to me, right now. I told Joseph he would
fail, and guess what he found? Some people are just determined to
prove you wrong. The annoying prince found a cave!
“A
cave?” I screeched, sounding like an annoying little girl, who has
just been given a cute little baby doll.
“Where?
Where?” Joseph yelled. Idiot! He was the one who found it. How
annoying can one person get?
“Right
there in front of you!” I retorted. Joesph bounded forward and ran
into the wall.
It
was cold damp and ugly in the cave. Not to mention at least a hundred
and five bats were flying in there. It was nothing like my cozy
little thief cave. Also, I feel the need to mention that there was a
woman in there. A creepy black haired woman, who was holding some
kind of hairless little beast. Joseph was groping around, one hand
clutching at his face, and was going to walk right into her knife.
She had a big butcher knife pointed right at his heart. I will admit,
she scared me. I was ready to run. Joseph stopped one fraction of an
inch from the knife and looked all around. His eyes seeing nothing.
The small beast let out a yap. The prince jumped and knocked his head
against the ceiling.
“Gothel!”
he screeched, “Murderous mullet mouth!” I am not sure what a
mullet mouth is, but I think it fits this Gothel person, quite well.
“Well,
well, if it is not prince Joseph.” she sneered, “Your horse is
gone, your dog is gone, your eyes are gone, your girl is gone, you
have nothing!” Joseph pushed me behind him. That surprised me. He
did not strike me as the chivalrous type.
“Polo
is waiting for me at home!” Joseph shouted, “He is all
comfortable in his stable!” Gothel sneered.
“You
wish.” she said.
“Thorn-
I mean Dog is at this moment fetching my brothers to rescue me!” he
shouted. I was surprised. Really? I thought his dog's name was Punz
or something lame like that.
“What
about your eyes?” Gothel sneered, “I would love to hear how you
plan to get out of that?”
“I
have my ways!” Joseph said mysteriously, “I have already been
told there is a cure and I am currently fetching it.” Gothel looked
pained. I smirked.
“What
about your love?” she asked, after an awkward silence.
“She
is currently rotting with your mama witch in the tower.” he said,
“And just as soon as I get my eyesight back, I am off to rescue
her.” Well, this is awkward and mushy.
“But
what is to prevent me from killing you first?” Gothel asked, her
teeth flashing in the semi-darkness. I shuddered.
“This!”
Joseph shouted. He raised his stick, and hit the roof. There was an
avalanche. Rocks came rumbling down. I barely had time to grab his
shirt and drag him backwards, before there was a solid wall between
us and Gothel. I am kind of annoyed. How did he know that would work?
Rowan
Thief's boy
Day
35
Dear
Joseph,
I
wonder if anyone ever told Joseph he was a blunder donkey? If I had
been his father, I definitely would have told him. Oops! Maybe I
should not have said that out loud. He looks murderous. Eek! He is
telling me that he going to slit my throat with a pen if I do not
shut up!
Today
was rather dull. After you past the quicksand, which I was pushed
into by a rabid raccoon, and then rescued by a blind man, there is
not much else to say. We heard singing. More like screeching
actually. Joseph insisted that it was my own sister Rapunzel, who I
like to refer to, as his lady love. That is why I stepped in
quicksand. I was following the imaginary singing of a blind man's
lost lady love. What a cruel world, I live in!
Rowan
Thief's boy
Day
36
Dear
Rotten Joseph,
I
knew we should never have followed that siren screeching. It was to
beautiful to- I mean to hideous to be coming from anyone other then a
witch. A witch who wanted to drag us into the middle of Royaume's
largest pokeberry path and leave us there, suspended from a million
and a half thorns. I look as if I had been flogged. Which means I
will have to take a bath and a treatment from Granny when I get
safely back to my cave. It really is not fair. I just had my annul
bath, two months ago. My only consolation is that Joseph looks like a
walking dead man. Or an extra large meat chop. However you like to
picture it.
What
I am actually trying to say here, is that by following the sound of
Joseph's imaginary singing love, we got lost. Lost in a bramble
patch, where the thorns are three feet long, on a bad day, and twenty
feet on a good day. The point is, if we do not leave this patch of
death behind, all that will be left of us, will be our bones, and
maybe a small patch of hair.
Rowan
Thief's boy
Day
37
Dear
Gloater,
I
detest people who were wrong, then by some lousy miracle turn out to
be right. I call them gloaters, because they have a special song,
which they force you to sing with them. It goes something like this.
“Is
that a house up ahead.”
“More
like a stringy hut.”
“That's
where the singing comes from.”
“I
tell you, no one is singing.”
“But
there is the hut as proof!”
“Whatever.”
“You
said there would be no hut/house/tower/person, at the end of our
search.” This is where the chorus comes in.
I
told you so. La La. I told you so.
You
did not listen to me, when I was right.
You
were wrong. Admit it old pal.
I
was right. LA LA.
I
am usually right, but does anyone ever listen to me?
NO!
You
were wrong! I told you so!
I
told YOU so!
I
hate that song. Anyone can sing it. I may have sung it on occasion.
But it is always the worst, when a blind man sings it in a smug
voice, because he literally did the impossible and led the
expedition. Well, tomorrow we shall beard this dragon's hut. I pray
it will be empty. Then I can sing the chorus, and trample the dumb
prince to pulp.
Rowan
Thief's boy
Day
38
Dear
Joseph,
As
we approached the house, early today, my knees began to knock. I was
not scared mind you. What possibly could scare me in an empty hut.
Joseph was scared. His teeth were clicking together like a row of
silly dancers. My knees were just shaking because they could no
longer support me. Joseph rapped on the door, while I glanced around
the corner of the hut. To check for spies of course. The door opened
and a very tall woman with stick blond hair opened the door. She also
had a hairless pet of some kind in her arms.
“Oh.”
she said.
“Oh
hello Mama Gascony, was I expected?” Joseph asked. Did he know
nothing about witches? You never talk to them. You show them your
back, heels and how fast you can run.
“Shall
we say yes.” the Gascony creature hissed. I felt like snakes were
binding me down.
“Can
we come in?” Joseph asked. I wished I had his neck between my
fingers.
“We?”
the horror whispered. Her creature let out a croak that froze every
drop of blood in my veins. Then he let out a yap, that sounded like
he was being strangled.
“My
friend.” Joseph said. I hate him.
“Come
out of the tree sweetheart.” she said in the cooing voice of a
spider that was inviting a fly into its web. I fell to the ground
with a painful crunch. I had thought there was a dragon in the tree,
I was trying to protect my blind dummy. I was not hiding from anyone.
Can
you imagine how horrified I was, when Joseph followed that woman into
the hut. If he could have seen her, he would have run. He would have
run really far. I ran after him and grabbed his arm and told him so.
“Since
I cannot see her, I am not afraid.” he told me smugly. I almost
wished I was blind.
“Rats.”
was all I said.
“She
is the one that made me blind in the first place.” he hissed. Now I
know he is crazy. What sane man walks back into the lair of the
wretch that ruined his eyes?
Inside
the hut was interesting. There was a girl with very short dull blond
hair, chained to the wall, and gagged, with what I could only guess,
was a dirty sock. There was Joseph's mangy mutt rapped in ropes and
tied to a large stone. There was no furniture. What a miserable
place. The girl in the chains began to struggle wildly. She looked
familiar. Maybe a distant cousin of someone I had robbed.
“Where
is Rapunzel?” Joseph asked.
“How
sweet.” Gascony sneered, “A blind man who still searches
heroically for his lost sweetheart.” I was just about to say those
exact words. Now I believe I will just keep my mouth shut and write.
The
door whimpered, and struggled weakly. Joseph shuffled past Gascony
and her horrifying rodent.
“Dog?”
he whispered. The poor creature whimpered and tried to wag its tail.
“What
happened to the cute name, Lasso?” Gascony sneered.
“I
had a nasty relationship with another lasso.” Joseph snarled. Who
names there dog Lasso?
“What
happened to sweet Punz?” Gascony smirked, “A tribute to my
daughter, of course.” What a rotten woman. Rapunzel is not her
daughter! The cabbage witch!
“I
was in a battle of puns.” Joseph muttered, “I could not take the
strain.”
“So
you call him Dog?” Gascony sneered, “How pathetic.”
“If
you say so.” Joseph said. He sat down on the floor, cross legged.
“I am going to talk you to death.” I will not write anymore.
Everything they say is bordering on boring.
Rowan
Thief's boy
P.S.
I
awoke somewhere around the middle of the night. It was pitch black in
the hut, but I could still hear Joseph and Gascony arguing over the
cure for Maim Disease.
“I
tell you, I have magic mirror that can tell me anything.” Gascony
was screaming.
“So
ask him who is fairer then you, it will be every girl that ever
existed.
“One
petal of a sun flower.” Gascony snarled.
“Whoops
a daisy girl.” Joseph yodeler, “But I tell you otherwise.”
Amazing. I just learned the cure for the deadliest disease on
Royaume. I wonder if I could sell it?
Day
39
Dear
Joseph,
I
suppose today is what Joseph would call the happiest day of your
life? He is such a fool! I awoke, long after the sun was up, to find
by Joseph and Gascony sagging against the walls.
“I
will never let you win.” Gascony croaked. Her voice sounded like
someone had torn her throat out.
“Then
Jerome told Jaden to tell Justin, that John was taking lessons from
James. Jerome was afraid to to tell Justin, even thought Jerome was
his elder.” Joseph was croaking gaily. Who were all these boys and
why did they start with J?
“Enough!”
Gascony screeched.
“The
reason Jerome did not want to tell Justin, about James giving John
lessons, was because James was his twin, his younger twin, so he
feels responsible for-”
“I
give up!” Gascony moaned, “You know to many Js.”
“What
is the cure?” Joseph asked gleefully. A glint entered Gascony's
eyes.
“Did
you think I would tell you?” she snarled, “You will still be
blind forever! HAHA!” then she tossed the hairless rodent at the
prince.
“UGH!”
Joseph screamed as the little monster started taring at his throat. I
jumped to my feet, grabbed the little mutt by the tail and yanked him
off of the prince. The horror twisted around and sank razor sharp
teeth right into my hand. I started screaming and dancing around. The
monster still attached to my hand.
Joseph
crawled over to the dog, and sliced through his ropes, with his
knife. The dog bounded to his feet, shook himself out, then launched
himself at me. I screamed louder. I was going to die. Killed by a
midget with sharp teeth and a monster with equally sharp teeth.
“Sic
him Dog!” Joseph yelled. Dog grabbed the rodent in his sharp, sharp
teeth and snapped him in two. Gross! But beautiful! Gascony screamed
and rushed through the wall. Literally ran through the wall and
vanished. My hand felt like it was on fire. I could see the bone.
Ouch!
The
prince crawled over to the girl. It was really beginning to bother me
that her face was familiar, but I could not place her.
“Rapunzel?”
Joseph gasped.
“Wrong
girl!” I squealed, as I continued to dance around the room. “This
one has no hair.” Then it hit me. Gascony cut Rapunzel's hair. I
felt like an idiot. I stood there gawking, while Joseph untied her
gag. He sure moved well for a blind man.
“Joseph?”
she sobbed, “What has she done to you?” I ran for the door. The
scene that followed was, what I would call the most disgusting thing
I have ever witnessed. Dog followed me. Obviously he could not bare
it either. I guess there is nothing more to write for now.
Rowan
Thief's boy
Day
40
Dear
me, and everyone else there is in the world,
I
am so happy I could cry! I can see! Rapunzel and Rowan are going back
to the castle with me! I am so happy! Actually I should explain some
more. Some people just have to know all the unimportant details. So
yesterday, after Rowan so rudely cut off, after I started kissing
Rapunzel, we left the hut. I had my sword at the ready, just in case
we should run into Gascony again. Rowan made fun of me of course. The
rotten little blighter.
Dear
not so funny future brother-in-law,
I
just grabbed this nasty little book from Joseph. How dare he call me
a rotten little blighter? Anyway, he looks stupid, because he is
blind and dancing around with a sword. Dog keeps barking at me. I
will decapitate him with my bare hands if he does it one more time.
Rapunzel just asked Joseph what happened to his eyes. Apparently he
never told her yesterday. Well, he told her how Gascony had tricked
him into the tower then gouged his eyes out with a thorn. Then the
fool said it did not hurt. Imagine that. Rapunzel started crying.
Believe me, there is nothing worse then a crying girl. Then there was
a flash, and the blue fairy was back.
Dearest,
It
was so strange when the fairy appeared right between us. She took my
tears and touched your eyes with them. You gasped, and fell to your
knees. I ran to you, but you were already standing up. You actually
bowed to the fairy.
“Perhaps
there is hope for you young prince.” she said. How come you never
told me you were a prince? I am starting to feel offended.
Dear
Rapunzel,
I
am to happy to be offended. I could have sworn that I told you that I
was a prince. But if not, it means you really do love me. Perhaps the
fairy is right and there is hope for me to become a proper young
prince. But first I have to take you home to meat my family. Poor
mother, was so hoping for another princess, but I think you are
better then any princess.
Dear
Idiots,
You
two are so mushy, please stop writing.
Dear
Rowan,
Get
lost you miserable brat!
Dear
Brother,
Do
as Joseph says.
Dear
Me,
This
would not be a proper diary if I did not right one last entry
addressed to me. It is so good to have the pen in my hand, even
though, Rapunzel is reading over my shoulder and Rowan is trying to
rip the book out of my hands. Hands that I can see. So I must be
brief. I think the girls would like Rapunzel. Well, maybe not Elaine.
She really is a brat. What on Royaume does Jaden see in her. Anyway,
this is goodbye, I am moving onto another chapter in my life. One
that I do not need a diary to keep me company.
Signing
off
Joseph
son of Jasper the VI
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