The
Diary of an Uncharming Prince
Jerome's
Diary
Day
8
I
had no plans on going to the Blacksmith's cottage today or any day.
It came as a surprise when after wandering in lines, squares, and
triangles (I do not do circles) I came upon this cutesy little
cottage. The roof was thatched with bright yellow hay and the walls
were made of little red bricks. Ivy vines spilled out of adorable
little window boxes. Rose vines climbed the side of the walls. A
tinkling brook with a pretty little carved bridge leading over it,
trickled past the cottage.
“How
adorable.” I commented, “I bet some beautiful maiden under a fake
enchantment lives here and is just waiting to ensnare some dumb
prince.” I of course was not a dumb prince. But I was hungry. I
sneaked a look through one of the windows. There was nothing cute
about the inside of that cottage. In fact, it looked quite abandoned.
Dishes were piled over a tiny table that was completely filthy. There
was probably about three inches of dust on it. The Dishes trailed
onto the floor and over unmade beds and into wash basins, buckets,
tubs and an actual washing sink. Whoever lived here was quite
pitiful. Since the place was deserted, I entered. The lock was
already broken before I opened the door, so I of course was not
guilty of breaking and entering.
I
nearly tripped over a pile of shovels and pickaxes. I picked them up
and leaned them against the wall. Someone was liable to kill
themselves. The next thing I had to do was move all the dishes off
the table. I was not going to eat with all those filthy dishes on the
table. I had stacked half of them by the sink when the door creaked
open. Why was I always the one caught in the wrong house, at the
wrong moment?” Seven ugly little men, dwarves like Hendrick,
entered. They looked at me then at each other, then grunted. Finally
one in a red tasseled cap stepped closer to me. I fingered my sword.
“You
late!” he grunted.
“Late?”
I exploded, “I have never been late in my life! I arrive precisely
when I mean too.” This was not quite true, but I figured these
creatures did not need to know that.
“Fairy
say new apprentice come yesterday.” Red cap grunted. I raised my
eyebrows. That fairy had some nerve telling these dwarves I was
actually coming.
“What
am I supposed to do?” I demanded, “Because I am not washing your
dishes!”
“You
learn to hammer!” Red Cap grunted. The other dwarfs grunted. If I
hear one more grunt I am going to murder someone. The dwarves
gathered together and mumbled under their breaths. Then Red cap
approached me. “Little stable out back, you sleep!” he grunted,
“At fifth hour we go to work.” I winced. I never rose before the
eighth hour at the earliest. Hang it all if I got up before the
seventh hour to work for a bunch of mangy dwarves. My new stable
apartment was dry and mostly clean. The hay loft made a tolerable
good bed, once I had spread my cloak down. It was good deal more
peaceful them the castle, except for the rotten goat, who lived
downstairs.
Day
9
I
was rudely awakened by the goat when the smallest dwarf came into
milk her. She let out the most unnatural sound.
“How
dare you!” I yelled as I threw my boots at them.
“Eek!”
the dwarf yelped and fled followed by the goat. I was just drifting
into of comfortable sleep, when Red Cap came in.
“It
the sixth hour, how you still sleep?” he grunted. So I had to get
up. My clothes smelled really bad. I figured that is what happened to
clothes who traveled and were slept in for days and nights on end. I
was still starving so I did not worry to much about my hygiene. But
all I got for breakfast was a cold potato, then I was hustled out of
the cottage and through the woods to a large cave. The other dwarves
were already waiting there. The young dwarf, whom I had thrown my
boots at, was wearing a brown cap. He eyed me warily. I nearly stuck
my tongue out at him. He would have deserved it.
There
was a stone forge and great sheets of metal were stacked everywhere.
Huge torches hung from the wall. Brown cap was pumping a large
bellows. A few dwarves were encrusting large jewels into shields. A
few other dwarfs were carving jewels down to size.
“Marick,
it looks like you have been promoted to hook maker.” A dwarf in a
blue cap yelled. Loud guffaws echoed through the cave. Red Cap
pointed to the bellows as Brown cap walked away from it smirking.
Right then and there I vowed that I would soon earn myself the right
to be more then just bellows pumper. I learned an unpleasant thing
today. Dwarves are used to working hard and straight all day without
food or water. In the back of their cave was an entrance to their
mine. I hacked away at bare rock and pumped bellows until I fainted.
If I had fainted back home I would have been the laughing stock of
the castle. But here the dwarves just dropped me into a hay stack and
poured water over my head. I probably needed that water.
“Men
need to take nourishment while working.” Red Cap grunted. I made
another vow, that I will become so strong that I will be able to work
all day straight, even if it kills me. But at this moment, I feel
like I am dying.
Day
10
The
following morning, I was up as soon as the rooster crowed. Every bone
in my body hurt so bad. I wanted to scream. But I gritted my teeth
and plunged into work. I held the goat, well Brown cap or Marick as
he called himself milked her. She seems to have decided not to let us
milk her. That of course had nothing to do with boots flying at her
the previous morning. After the milking, I helped Malick a blue
capped dwarf scrape a cornmeal barrel and burn a cake. I burned my
arm too. Now I understand why John hates kitchens. They are
dangerous. Malick smeared butter over my arm to ease the burn. But he
put it on the wrong arm, and all the other dwarves were mad, because
that was supposed to be the butter for their corncake. I doubt that
butter would have helped improve anything. We left Sanick, a yellow
capped dwarf to wash the dishes and Anlick, a white capped dwarf to
make the beds, while we left for work.
Jalick
and Fenrick climbed down into the mines with me. There must have been
a leak down there, because the water was up to my ankles. The dwarves
did not seem to be worried, so I did not mention it.
“Use
cap!” Jalick grunted as he patted his green hat, then he handed me
an orange cap. It was large and floppy. But it did keep cobwebs out
of my hair. The idea of a cobwebs in my hair is very disturbing. I do
not mind the spiders, but cobwebs, ugh!
“Now
you proper miner!” Fenrick grunted. His cap was black, with a
jaunty feather.
The
dwarf hammers were heavy and clumsy. I pounded a spike into the wall
and the evil hammer pounced off the wall and hit me on the foot. When
I shouted my anger to the whole mine, Jalick and Fenrick exchanged
looks.
“Pound
the spike not foot, boy!” Fenrick snarled. I throw the hammer at
him and stormed off. I will not work with imbeciles. If I want to be
insulted, I could go back to the castle. Hendrick, old red cap and
Marick showed me how to fashion crude hooks and pins out of iron and
metal. After I had hammered violently for awhile, I began to feel
more calm. I think I would like to stay a blacksmith. But I cannot
help noticing that all dwarf names seem to end with K. Also Hendrick
seems a popular dwarf name. Maybe I should call myself Jeromick. That
does have a nice ring.
Day
11
I
feel certain that I have ripped apart all the muscles in my body. I
hurt so very badly. Not to mention my clothes are a mess. Jalick is
the tallest dwarf, he lent me one of his old coats. On him would have
been a long coat. On me it came only a bit past my waist. At least
it was better then nothing. Marick showed me where they clean
themselves. A round pond just below a trickling waterfall. We get our
water from the stream above the falls. I was returning to the cottage
after my cold bath to get my boots when Malick came running out his
eyes bulging.
“What
is wrong Blue cap?” I demanded, as I grabbed his arm.
“In
there!” he spluttered as he pointed towards the cottage, then he
went running towards the cave. I ran to the stable and grabbed my
sword. By the time I reached the cottage all the dwarfs were all
marching through the cottage door carrying weapons and scowling. Once
inside they paused. I stared over there heads. Lying curled up in one
of the dwarfs evil smelling beds, was a girl in a pink dress. She had
long black curly hair, which was tangled up. About four large pink
ribbons drooped from her hair. Her feet were bare and bloody and her
dress torn, but she was sleeping with a smile on her face.
“Kill
her, I say!” Malick squeaked, “She is most assuredly bad luck!”
“I
think she is pretty.” Marick sighed.
“Her
ugly!” Fenrick grunted.
“Say
it again brother!” Jalick growled.
“Her
ugly!” Fenrick grunted again. Jalick highfived him. I scowled.
Girls were pains. This one was about Elise's age maybe even younger,
probably fourteen or fifteen. What was she doing here? Probably she
had come from who knows where, just to disturb me!
A
bird landed on the window ledge and began to chirp. The girl opened
her eyes and sat up. the dwarves all took a step backwards as he gaze
swept over them. Hendrick stepped on my foot, which was still sore
from yesterday. I yelped. The girl clapped her hands. I think I might
hate her.
“Oh
see the lovely bird!” she cried and leaped out of the bed. My eyes
bulged. Did she have nothing to say about seven very dirty dwarves
and a young man staring at her with weapons in their hands. The bird
flew onto the girl's outstretched hand. “Hello there chirpy.” she
sighed, “How are you this morning?” the bird chirped, “Tell her
I hope she feels better.” the girl sighed.
“It
talks to birds!” Fenrick grunted.
“Maybe
it thinks it is a bird too!” Jalick sniffed.
“Goodbye
Chirpy.” the girl cried as the bird flew out the window chirping. I
shoved my way past the dwarfs.
“Who
are you?” I demanded, “How came you here and where are you from?”
the girl began to laugh as she turned towards me.
“Oh
look at your hair, it stand up like a tussle of weeds!” she clapped
her hands joyfully and spun around the room, leaping lightly over
dishes that Sanick had not washed. I could feel my face turning red
as I hastily licked my hands and tried to smooth my hair flat. How
dare this girl insult me? Hendrick marched up to the girl and grabbed
her thin arm in his great chunky hand.
“Who
be you?” he bellowed. The girl suddenly burst into tears.
“Are
you going to kill me?” she wept, “I do so like to live, please do
not kill me.” Hendrick let go of her arm, looking embarrassed.
“I
meant no harm.” he mumbled.
“Then
I can stay?” she cried, her dark eyes sparkling.
“What?”
I yelled, “No way, little girls do not live with so many grown
men.” the girl cocked her head at me.
“Really,
I lived with papa and his soldiers for ever so long.”
“Boy
right.” Frendick grunted, “She got nowhere to stay, here.”
“She
can sleep in the stable.” Hendrick said quickly.
“I
sleep there!” I shouted in a rage. I could hardly believe that I
was being kicked out already.
“You
can sleep in the cave.” Hendrick said crossly.
“What?
No!” I yelled.
“Oh
thank you!” the girl cried, “You are really nice!” she gave me
a hug.
“Thank
you.” I muttered grumpily, as I broke away from her. She was
definitely crazy. The girl cheered and began to spin around in a
circle again. I slouched and kicked a pile of dishes.
“You
can call me Tar Feather.” the girl said as she stopped spinning, “I
can help you with your mess!”
“Not
my mess!” I muttered.
“Everybodies
mess!” she cried. I stormed out of the cottage. Just when I thought
I had found the perfect place, I discover that a girl is moving in.
Girls are horrible!
To Be Continued
