The Diary of an Uncharming Prince, part 3

The Diary of an Uncharming Prince

Jerome's Diary

Day 8

I had no plans on going to the Blacksmith's cottage today or any day. It came as a surprise when after wandering in lines, squares, and triangles (I do not do circles) I came upon this cutesy little cottage. The roof was thatched with bright yellow hay and the walls were made of little red bricks. Ivy vines spilled out of adorable little window boxes. Rose vines climbed the side of the walls. A tinkling brook with a pretty little carved bridge leading over it, trickled past the cottage.

“How adorable.” I commented, “I bet some beautiful maiden under a fake enchantment lives here and is just waiting to ensnare some dumb prince.” I of course was not a dumb prince. But I was hungry. I sneaked a look through one of the windows. There was nothing cute about the inside of that cottage. In fact, it looked quite abandoned. Dishes were piled over a tiny table that was completely filthy. There was probably about three inches of dust on it. The Dishes trailed onto the floor and over unmade beds and into wash basins, buckets, tubs and an actual washing sink. Whoever lived here was quite pitiful. Since the place was deserted, I entered. The lock was already broken before I opened the door, so I of course was not guilty of breaking and entering.

I nearly tripped over a pile of shovels and pickaxes. I picked them up and leaned them against the wall. Someone was liable to kill themselves. The next thing I had to do was move all the dishes off the table. I was not going to eat with all those filthy dishes on the table. I had stacked half of them by the sink when the door creaked open. Why was I always the one caught in the wrong house, at the wrong moment?” Seven ugly little men, dwarves like Hendrick, entered. They looked at me then at each other, then grunted. Finally one in a red tasseled cap stepped closer to me. I fingered my sword.

“You late!” he grunted.

“Late?” I exploded, “I have never been late in my life! I arrive precisely when I mean too.” This was not quite true, but I figured these creatures did not need to know that.

“Fairy say new apprentice come yesterday.” Red cap grunted. I raised my eyebrows. That fairy had some nerve telling these dwarves I was actually coming.

“What am I supposed to do?” I demanded, “Because I am not washing your dishes!”

“You learn to hammer!” Red Cap grunted. The other dwarfs grunted. If I hear one more grunt I am going to murder someone. The dwarves gathered together and mumbled under their breaths. Then Red cap approached me. “Little stable out back, you sleep!” he grunted, “At fifth hour we go to work.” I winced. I never rose before the eighth hour at the earliest. Hang it all if I got up before the seventh hour to work for a bunch of mangy dwarves. My new stable apartment was dry and mostly clean. The hay loft made a tolerable good bed, once I had spread my cloak down. It was good deal more peaceful them the castle, except for the rotten goat, who lived downstairs.

Day 9

I was rudely awakened by the goat when the smallest dwarf came into milk her. She let out the most unnatural sound.

“How dare you!” I yelled as I threw my boots at them.

“Eek!” the dwarf yelped and fled followed by the goat. I was just drifting into of comfortable sleep, when Red Cap came in.

“It the sixth hour, how you still sleep?” he grunted. So I had to get up. My clothes smelled really bad. I figured that is what happened to clothes who traveled and were slept in for days and nights on end. I was still starving so I did not worry to much about my hygiene. But all I got for breakfast was a cold potato, then I was hustled out of the cottage and through the woods to a large cave. The other dwarves were already waiting there. The young dwarf, whom I had thrown my boots at, was wearing a brown cap. He eyed me warily. I nearly stuck my tongue out at him. He would have deserved it.

There was a stone forge and great sheets of metal were stacked everywhere. Huge torches hung from the wall. Brown cap was pumping a large bellows. A few dwarves were encrusting large jewels into shields. A few other dwarfs were carving jewels down to size.

“Marick, it looks like you have been promoted to hook maker.” A dwarf in a blue cap yelled. Loud guffaws echoed through the cave. Red Cap pointed to the bellows as Brown cap walked away from it smirking. Right then and there I vowed that I would soon earn myself the right to be more then just bellows pumper. I learned an unpleasant thing today. Dwarves are used to working hard and straight all day without food or water. In the back of their cave was an entrance to their mine. I hacked away at bare rock and pumped bellows until I fainted. If I had fainted back home I would have been the laughing stock of the castle. But here the dwarves just dropped me into a hay stack and poured water over my head. I probably needed that water.

“Men need to take nourishment while working.” Red Cap grunted. I made another vow, that I will become so strong that I will be able to work all day straight, even if it kills me. But at this moment, I feel like I am dying.

Day 10

The following morning, I was up as soon as the rooster crowed. Every bone in my body hurt so bad. I wanted to scream. But I gritted my teeth and plunged into work. I held the goat, well Brown cap or Marick as he called himself milked her. She seems to have decided not to let us milk her. That of course had nothing to do with boots flying at her the previous morning. After the milking, I helped Malick a blue capped dwarf scrape a cornmeal barrel and burn a cake. I burned my arm too. Now I understand why John hates kitchens. They are dangerous. Malick smeared butter over my arm to ease the burn. But he put it on the wrong arm, and all the other dwarves were mad, because that was supposed to be the butter for their corncake. I doubt that butter would have helped improve anything. We left Sanick, a yellow capped dwarf to wash the dishes and Anlick, a white capped dwarf to make the beds, while we left for work.

Jalick and Fenrick climbed down into the mines with me. There must have been a leak down there, because the water was up to my ankles. The dwarves did not seem to be worried, so I did not mention it.

“Use cap!” Jalick grunted as he patted his green hat, then he handed me an orange cap. It was large and floppy. But it did keep cobwebs out of my hair. The idea of a cobwebs in my hair is very disturbing. I do not mind the spiders, but cobwebs, ugh!

“Now you proper miner!” Fenrick grunted. His cap was black, with a jaunty feather.

The dwarf hammers were heavy and clumsy. I pounded a spike into the wall and the evil hammer pounced off the wall and hit me on the foot. When I shouted my anger to the whole mine, Jalick and Fenrick exchanged looks.

“Pound the spike not foot, boy!” Fenrick snarled. I throw the hammer at him and stormed off. I will not work with imbeciles. If I want to be insulted, I could go back to the castle. Hendrick, old red cap and Marick showed me how to fashion crude hooks and pins out of iron and metal. After I had hammered violently for awhile, I began to feel more calm. I think I would like to stay a blacksmith. But I cannot help noticing that all dwarf names seem to end with K. Also Hendrick seems a popular dwarf name. Maybe I should call myself Jeromick. That does have a nice ring.

Day 11

I feel certain that I have ripped apart all the muscles in my body. I hurt so very badly. Not to mention my clothes are a mess. Jalick is the tallest dwarf, he lent me one of his old coats. On him would have been a long coat. On me it came only a bit past my waist. At least it was better then nothing. Marick showed me where they clean themselves. A round pond just below a trickling waterfall. We get our water from the stream above the falls. I was returning to the cottage after my cold bath to get my boots when Malick came running out his eyes bulging.

“What is wrong Blue cap?” I demanded, as I grabbed his arm.

“In there!” he spluttered as he pointed towards the cottage, then he went running towards the cave. I ran to the stable and grabbed my sword. By the time I reached the cottage all the dwarfs were all marching through the cottage door carrying weapons and scowling. Once inside they paused. I stared over there heads. Lying curled up in one of the dwarfs evil smelling beds, was a girl in a pink dress. She had long black curly hair, which was tangled up. About four large pink ribbons drooped from her hair. Her feet were bare and bloody and her dress torn, but she was sleeping with a smile on her face.

“Kill her, I say!” Malick squeaked, “She is most assuredly bad luck!”

“I think she is pretty.” Marick sighed.

“Her ugly!” Fenrick grunted.

“Say it again brother!” Jalick growled.

“Her ugly!” Fenrick grunted again. Jalick highfived him. I scowled. Girls were pains. This one was about Elise's age maybe even younger, probably fourteen or fifteen. What was she doing here? Probably she had come from who knows where, just to disturb me!

A bird landed on the window ledge and began to chirp. The girl opened her eyes and sat up. the dwarves all took a step backwards as he gaze swept over them. Hendrick stepped on my foot, which was still sore from yesterday. I yelped. The girl clapped her hands. I think I might hate her.

“Oh see the lovely bird!” she cried and leaped out of the bed. My eyes bulged. Did she have nothing to say about seven very dirty dwarves and a young man staring at her with weapons in their hands. The bird flew onto the girl's outstretched hand. “Hello there chirpy.” she sighed, “How are you this morning?” the bird chirped, “Tell her I hope she feels better.” the girl sighed.

“It talks to birds!” Fenrick grunted.

“Maybe it thinks it is a bird too!” Jalick sniffed.

“Goodbye Chirpy.” the girl cried as the bird flew out the window chirping. I shoved my way past the dwarfs.

“Who are you?” I demanded, “How came you here and where are you from?” the girl began to laugh as she turned towards me.

“Oh look at your hair, it stand up like a tussle of weeds!” she clapped her hands joyfully and spun around the room, leaping lightly over dishes that Sanick had not washed. I could feel my face turning red as I hastily licked my hands and tried to smooth my hair flat. How dare this girl insult me? Hendrick marched up to the girl and grabbed her thin arm in his great chunky hand.

“Who be you?” he bellowed. The girl suddenly burst into tears.

“Are you going to kill me?” she wept, “I do so like to live, please do not kill me.” Hendrick let go of her arm, looking embarrassed.

“I meant no harm.” he mumbled.

“Then I can stay?” she cried, her dark eyes sparkling.

“What?” I yelled, “No way, little girls do not live with so many grown men.” the girl cocked her head at me.

“Really, I lived with papa and his soldiers for ever so long.”

“Boy right.” Frendick grunted, “She got nowhere to stay, here.”

“She can sleep in the stable.” Hendrick said quickly.

“I sleep there!” I shouted in a rage. I could hardly believe that I was being kicked out already.

“You can sleep in the cave.” Hendrick said crossly.

“What? No!” I yelled.

“Oh thank you!” the girl cried, “You are really nice!” she gave me a hug.

“Thank you.” I muttered grumpily, as I broke away from her. She was definitely crazy. The girl cheered and began to spin around in a circle again. I slouched and kicked a pile of dishes.

“You can call me Tar Feather.” the girl said as she stopped spinning, “I can help you with your mess!”

“Not my mess!” I muttered.

“Everybodies mess!” she cried. I stormed out of the cottage. Just when I thought I had found the perfect place, I discover that a girl is moving in. Girls are horrible!

To Be Continued