Writing prompt day 3

The next writing prompt.

A burglar breaks into an old lady's home. The occupant invites the burglar to tea and biscuits, and won't take no for an answer.

Tea with Grandma

I had fallen on a lot of hard luck. Since some insane unthoughtful fool had invented the burglar alarm, or brought them to Hicksville, I'm not quite sure which my work had become a lot harder. I'm a burglar by trade, and a tolerable good one too. When ever I get short on cash I pay a visit to the bank. She loans me quite a luscious stack. But the bankers didn't realize what a meaningful relationship I was having with the bank. They installed burglar alarms. Once I got out of prison, I found everyone else in Hicksville had alarms too. How did they think I was supposed to live?

I lived poorly. My neighbors all eyed me with suspicion, that they reserved just for people who had been in jail. Some of them commented on how straight I was going. Well, that was hardly my fault. There were one to many burglar alarms in Hicksville. At the moment I was currently taking Nell Fright's online class for dismantling alarms. It was very interesting and informative. I actually able put an alarm back together after two classes. I'm still confused as to the actually dismantling though.

Money got extra tight. I probably had only about two dollars in my secret bank. A lose floorboard you would call it, if you knew about it. But I decided it was time to take some desperate measures. A new family had moved in just across the street from my boarding house. I'm not sure if they had figured out the alarm system yet. They probably didn't think they need it because I hadn't tried to rob them.

I carefully selected my clothes for the heist. A serious burglar takes pride in his clothes. Only the finest for burglars. Once I had my jeans and t-shirt on. I pulled on my patched jean jacket, grabbed my crowbar and simply walked through my neighbor's front door. Who cares about clothes anyway. Besides the idiots had forgotten to lock their door. Who doesn't lock their door by six o'clock?

The place was full of boxes. These idiots hadn't unpacked yet, they also conveniently left the lights on. Of course that might be because no one goes to bed before seven thirty PM. I peeked in the boxes. BOOKS? Who reads books? Books are for unintelligent people like- well I don't know, maybe the president. Or other world leaders. I don't think most of them are very intelligent. But I could be wrong.

I made my way through the hall and found nothing more valuable then a whole box of pens. My favorite kind. I decided that a nut must live there. Then I found myself in a dining room. There was an old lady pouring tea into some tea cups. An old lady? I was robbing an old lady of her collection of pens? What kind of man was I? I started to sneak back down the hall.

“Hold on there young man?” the lady said gently, “Where are you going?” No burglar wants to hear those words, even if it's a small frail old lady saying them.

“Just back the way I came.” I said, as I pointed over my shoulder.

“Not until you have had some tea.” she said.

“Listen grandma.” I growled, deciding to play harsh, “I ain't takin' tea with no nut, now-”

“Such manners.” Grandma lady says, “Well, we'll just have to take care of that.” she stood up. That old lady was taller then me. I could already see the headlines.

Hicksville Thief mugged by old lady with a teapot!

I shuddered, what a horrible way to go out. Grandma lady pushed out a chair and gestured at it. Surely she was not going to force me to drink tea with her. I might feel more guilt for stealing her pens.

“Uh- no thank you.” I stammered. This time I remembered my manners.

“Listen, young man, I say sit, so sit down.” Grandma lady cried, “Didn't your mother teach you to respect your elders.”

“Listen lady,” I barked, “I got a gun-”

“Sit, sit, sit.” Grandma lady ordered sternly, “You are a very naught boy.”

I sat down, my face pinker then the curtains on the window. Grandma lady smiled and poured me a mugful of tea. I made a face. I hated tea.

“Have you forgotten your manners again?” she demanded.

“Thank you ma'am.” I muttered sullenly. She smiled and nodded. Then she picked up a plate of cookies. Now that was more like it.

I was on my fifth cookie when I heard the door open and voices in the hallway. No thief would wait to find out who those voices belong too. I scrambled to my feet, causing the table to shake.

“You haven't been excused yet.” Grandma lady said crisply.

“Maybe I be excused, ma'am?” I gasped. She shook her head.

“Certainly not! My daughter and granddaughter are here, you must meet them.” she said. My hair literally stood up on end. This was a nightmare.

Who should coming walking into the room, but Officer May Dalooth in civilian clothes. The horrible female officer who had arrested me last time. Behind her was a skinny girl with sandy blond hair. She was probably seventeen or so. Possibly eighteen. Who cares, she was younger then me anyway.

“May, my dear.” Grandma lady cried, “You got here at last. I want you to meet a good friend of mine.” she gestured at me.

“You?” Officer Dalooth shrieked. She reached into her bag. I don't know if Officers carry guns and warrants around in the purses, but I wasn't going to find out. I grabbed the kid, and poked my own gun into her face. She screamed.

“Now, now, put that gun down.” Grandma lady ordered sternly, “That's my little grand-”

“I don't care what she is!” I growled, “I just know this girlie is going to stay here. Grandma you pour the tea. Mumma sit down, and gossip with grandma. This girlie and I are going to take a short walk.”

“Paul Bolt, you already have a record of thefts a mile long.” Officer Dalooth cried, “I beg you, don't add kidnapping to the matter as well.”

“Who said anything about kidnapping?” I asked as I started backing down the hall, “This girlie is happy to take a walk with me. Isn't that right girlie?” I jabbed her cheek with the gun.

“I-I- of course.” she stammered.

“Show more enthusiasm.” I argued. Why hadn't I thought of taking hostages long ago? They made things run so much smoother.

We reached the front door. I made the girlie open it, then I pushed her down the hall. She fell sprawling. Officer Dalooth whipped out a gun.

“Stay down, Mary!” she shouted. I leaped out the door just as it was plugged full of bullets. I slammed it.

“Haha!” I laughed. I bullet slammed through the door, and into my leg. I howled with pain. Then I miserably took off down the street. People were staring. I had to hide. I can't believe I had tea and a bullet for a bunch of miserable pens.

~E