Prince Charming's Diary, part 4 (revised)

Well, normally, I would not post more then one post a day, but since you all have been waiting so long for this, a couple weeks I believe, I shall go ahead and post it. It's part 4 revised.

Prince Charming's Diary

Prince John

Day 11

Ella Marie was waiting for me when I rushed into the clearing today. I had gone straight from horse lessons, so I was still in my white and gold riding outfit. It was one of those expensive silk ones, with nasty little tassels on the shoulders. The horrible things are constantly flying into everything, including my mouth. They also pointed me out as a spoiled prince. UGH! But luckily for me my horse had threw me into a mud patch so it was a lot less white, then it had been, and certainly less elegant. It was also a little harder to tell that I was nobility. Just imagine how terrible it would be if Ella Marie found out that I was really a prince. She would probably think I had lied to her all along. I did not mean to deceive her into believing that I was common peasant. But it is to late to change that now. She would probably hate me.

When, I arrived at the meeting place, Ella was holding two enormous baskets, that were simply stuffed with all manner of food. They were way to heavy for one girl to carry. I ought to know, because I took them from her. I very nearly fell over from the weight. They were three- no five times as heavy as I had expected. I staggered around a bit, biting my lips to keep from cursing. Why did this crazy girl not higher a few strong boys to carry her baskets?

“You do not have to carry both.” Ella said quickly. She tried to take both the baskets from me. No man should allow a girl to carry all that weight by herself, especially a prince. I would not let her take the baskets. We played tug-a-war briefly. I am proud to say I won! Master Won could not fault me for my gallant manners today.

After the tug-a-war battle Ella led the way to her house and I limped after her, trying not to be flattened by the baskets. They weighed more then I did. I soon discovered that I ached all over. The miserable baskets jounced against all my bruises. Thanks to my horse, I had about three million. Ella's house was almost like a miniature castle. It was made of white and blue stone, and had light blue banners flying from the many turrets.

“Nice.” I commented.

“Lets use the back door.” she muttered, ignoring my compliment. I was surprised. I have never used the back door before for anything. That is the servants entrance. What kind of family does Ella Marie have? It was very interesting to sneak through the back gate, through a garden full of fat orange pumpkins and lizards and into the house through the tiny kitchen door. I barely managed to squeeze through the door. The two baskets added nearly three feet to my waist.

Besides never having used a back door, I have also, never been in a kitchen. A kitchen is like a whole new world. There was food everywhere. I have never seen a cat catch a mouse, then start roasting it over the fire either. But that was the first thing I saw after noticing the food.

“You hire, cats to cook for you?” I asked incredulously. Master Won would probably explain how that is all the latest rage. I think it must be really gross.

“You miserable cat!” Ella screeched and threw an egg at the cat. The egg missed and splattered on the floor. The cat dropped the mouse and started eating the egg. If you ask me, it was a plot.

“Did you mean to do that?” I asked.

“Get the cat out of here!” Ella cried as she reached for another egg. Personally I think the mouse should have been disposed of first. But I did not argue. Instead I dropped both baskets and leaped at the cat. The cat dived between my feet, tripping me. I fell sprawling, and grabbed for the only thing within reach. The kettle hanging over the fire. A searing rushed through my hand. I leaped three feet into the air, knocked my head against the mantle piece and started doing a dance that would make Master Won proud.

By the time I had begun the encore of the dance, Ella had chased the cat out of the kitchen with a broom, put the food on the table, greased a white napkin and shoved me down in a chair.

“Merciful Dragons.” she cried, “Do you have any sense? No one grabs a boiling pot.” The grease on the napkin was soothing to my hand, so I stopped cursing, long enough for her to bandage my hand.

“Why are there no warning signs?” I complained, “Watch out, this pot will try to kill you, might be good.” Ella sighed.

“You just sit here, I will start cooking!” she said, and pushed her hair out of her face. I immediately forgot my pain.

“No, I am ready to help.” I cried. She sighed.

“I was afraid of that!” she whispered. Now what could she have meant by that?”

“This is a spoon!” Ella said, as she picked a large wooden spoon. I knew what a spoon was, but this thing was monstrous. A dragon could use it.

“Are you sure?” I asked, as I took it. She made a grab at it.

“You should really sit down.” she pleaded. I backed away from her. I suppose, she did not want a guest to be working for her, but could she not realize that I wanted too?

Ella, showed me how slowly to stir the gravy. I never realized that gravy could turn into rocks. She showed me how to bone a fish. Who knew that fish was all bone and no fish? She showed me how roll out dough into loaves of bread. Did anyone know that uncooked bread works better then glue? She showed me how to cut onions. I must say that it is very unnatural to cry buckets of tears for some disgusting veggie, but not shed a single tear at my aunt's funeral. Ella, sure had me moving around really fast, once she got over her qualms about a guest helping with the work. Did you know, that if you chop a chicken's head off, it will keep rolling and hopping around. I killed five of them, because it was so entertaining. Ella must have gotten jealous because she took the ax, and sent me to skin two rabbits for the pie. That was really disgusting. I chased two rabbits throughout the garden, ripping up veggies and fruits that happened to stick their noses in my path. I finally caught one rabbit, by throwing a pumpkin at it. I really flattened it. There was not much left to look at, when I picked up the pumpkin. That was when I noticed the nice little cage full of rabbits. WHY? I could have saved myself the trouble of so much running. I buried the squashed rabbit under a flowerpot, then carried three squirming rabbits into the kitchen. Maybe there was a special way to skin them.

Ella was not in the kitchen, but three other women were. I stared at them, while the rabbits, kicked, squirmed and bit me.

“Who in the blazes are you?” the oldest woman snarled.

“Who are you?” I asked.

“I am Lady Miranda, you clod!” she screamed, “I own this barn!” There was no way, this clod was going to believe that. Then the rabbits exploded from my grip and chased each other across the table.

“Get them off!” one of the younger women screamed, and fainted into her sister's arms.

“Mum, Hazel fainted again!” the girl whined, while trying to fan her sister. Lady Miranda ignored them. Instead she struck me.

“Get them off the table, you fool!” she screamed. I grabbed the broom, and started sweeping it at the rabbits. I missed all of them and swept the three pies off instead.

“Mum, that is dinner!” Hazel's sister screeched. Hazel exploded out of her faint and started screaming.

“Get that dirty broom off the table?” Lady Miranda bellowed.

“Where is Cinders?” Hazel screamed as she leaped onto a chair to avoid the rabbits, who were leaping onto the floor.

“Who?” I asked as I leaped at the rabbits and accidentally spilled a bucket of water.

“Get out of my house!” Lady Miranda screamed and threw a cat at me. Where did that monster come from? I am sure it was the same one who tripped me, earlier. I am hate cats!

“Get out!” both girls howled. I left. On the way out I bumped into Ella in the yard.

“What happened?” she cried, “You look like a-.”

“There is a witch inside!” I yelled and streaked for the woods. Afterwords I felt a little ashamed of my conduct. But what can one do with a witch and her two mangy apprentices?