Prince Charming's Diary
Today, I decided that I had had enough! Enough as in enough! I was going to leave home. I was old enough! My patience has worn thin. If Master Won tells me to stop and smell the roses one more time, I am so going to kill him! Big time! Well, anyway I borrowed an old pair of Joseph's clothes. The pair he used when he was dropped in a rose bush, or whatever really happened. Once I put the clothes on, I rumpled up my hair, and looked in the mirror. I looked like a peasant My plan was working! I sneaked out to the stable and put the plainest saddle on my horse. Well, I got to say it was the plainest saddle, but it still had solid silver trimming on it. Stupid! Perhaps I shall write some more when I have something of interest to say.
Well, I have something interesting to say! UGH! My aching back! Yesterday I achieved my greatest desire and got lost in the darkest part of the forest. There is a saying that says, “Adventures are not all picnics and singing under the stars.” Whoever said that would be right. Adventures are terrible. Today, my horse threw me. I swear it was the deepest puddle of quicksand on Royaume. I sank all the way up to my waist before I managed to pull myself out. Now only three short hours later, which is next door to an eternity, I feel like I was made of clay. UGH! What I would give for a hot bath, and a clean shirt. This peasant business is killing me! Now I have to trudge around on foot. I even lost a shoe in the mud, so I am currently hopping around on one foot. It is very painful. I hope the world ends soon. That would solve all of my problems!
This morning I was shivering and very hungry. Whoever said one could live on berries and roots out to have his tongue ripped out. Does anyone realize if you are going to tell someone to live on roots, you better give him a seven hundred page manual with vivid pictures and hearty descriptions of what not to eat. I vomited after eating my first root, which tasted like a cross between a hunk of very dirty wood and something the cat dragged in. Do not ask who this cat is or what it dragged in. Anyway, I was cold and hungry, there was not a single berry in the whole rotten forest, when I saw her. Who is her? I do not know, it was just her. She was short, with wispy brown hair. Not very beautiful or very ugly, just plain. Her face was smudged with something black, and her dress was ragged and torn. She also had a basket of berries over one arm. Where did she get berries from in this barren forest? I trudged up to her, my eyes not leaving the basket. She jumped. I bet she was not used to meeting a man made of half clay.
“Good morning sir.” she said politely. She had nice manners.
“Good eve fair lady.” I muttered, hoping I sounded like a peasant. Her brown eyes started twinkling. I decided that she was pretty in her own way.
“You hungry?” she asked as she offered me the basket.
“Yes my lady.” I whispered and took a handful. I hate berries but believe me when I tell you that nothing ever tasted better. I ate two handfuls before I remembered my manners. Master Won would have starved rather then take the berries, the irritating quack!
“When was the last time you ate?” she asked quietly. I thought.
“Two days ago, not counting the root.” I admitted, “But by the time I had removed all traces of that from my stomach, I was even hungrier. The girl laughed. A warm pleasant laugh.
“Please eat more, I can always find more.” she argued. I gave in to the temptation of one more handful, before backing away again.
“Thank you my lady.” I said in what I hoped was a kind tone. She stared hard at me.
“You speak funny.” she said after a pause. I was scared that she would discover who I was.
“Come back in two days and I will bring you payment.” I gasped and fled into the forest.
“Wait, what is your name?” she yelled after me.
“John!” I cried.
“I am Ella Marie.” she called. Ella Marie? What an odd name. Why did I promise to go back?