The
Diary of a Not So Charming Prince
Prince Joseph's diary
Day
19
Dear
half dead me,
I
am half drowned by rain! Half dead with cold! Half starved! Half
blind- alright maybe not quite that! But I am half dead! We have been
wandering around in a swamp all night. So in the future when a lady
you are trying to impress asks to see the world, give her sweets
instead. Because, believe me when I say there is no way you can
impress a lady when you are sitting up to your shoulders in mud and
crying like a baby for your nice comfortable bed! Not that I did that
of course! Just almost!
I
was half asleep and caked with an even layer of dry mud, when an
arrow slammed into the ground between my feet. Punz started growling
and snarling from the relative safety of behind my back. Rapunzel
screamed and grabbed Polo around the neck. I was glad that I was on
the other side of Polo otherwise she might have tried strangling me.
“It
looks like we are being attacked!” I commented as I scraped crusty
mud off my nose. Rapunzel glared at me.
“Where
would you get that idea?” she demanded. From the arrow obviously.
About ten or so people in ragged brown and green tunics shuffled out
of the scraggly trees. Punz snarled at them. I booted him forward.
“Get
over there and protect us!” I ordered. A small child person with
dirty blond hair threw a rock at my poor dog. Punz put his tail
between his legs and shot off through the mud whimpering. So much for
his rotten loyalty.
“Your
dog is as cowardly as you!” Rapunzel informed me as she unwrapped
her arms from Polo's neck. This is hardly fair since I was no coward.
Why I could even best Jaden at a shooting match! Isn't that bravery?
“What
do we do with these persons?” the small blond haired boy asked. A
big man who was twice as fat as me and head yellowed teeth leered at
us.
“Bring
'em along Rowan!” he sneered. I drew my sword. That is when someone
hit me from behind. OUCH! Some people just have no sense of a fair
fight!
Joseph
ill-used
Day
20
Dear
brave me,
I
awoke with a really bad headache. Oh my aching head. I could not even
think clearly. I was lying on my side, staring at a blindingly bright
fire, in what I suppose was a cave. I was also bound and stretched
out in a puddle. Rowan the rotten little blond haired thief was
polishing a saddle next to the fire. It was not just an saddle, it
was MY saddle!
“Thief!”
I croaked. Rowan did not even bother to look up, the filthy cur.
“Joseph,
you are awake.” Rapunzel cried from behind me. She did not need to
point out the obvious.
“Yes!
Now untie me!” I yelped.
“I
am sorry, but-”
“No
talking!” Rowan ordered solemnly. I clamped my mouth shut. What had
these monsters done to Polo? I hoped Punz had the sense to run home.
Rowan got up and began to stir something in a bot.
“What
is that?” Rapunzel asked. She sounded perfectly at ease. I rolled
over on my back, so I could see her. Her long hair was covered in
mud, dirt and twigs, but her face was perfectly calm.
“Horse
stew!” Rowan said.
“MONSTER!”
I screamed, angry tears stinging my eyes.
I
do not know how long I lay in that mucky puddle mourning for my
ill-behaved horse, but I finally came to my senses, when Rapunzel
started poking me.
“Why
can a fellow not even mourn his horse without a rude interruption?”
I yelled.
“Really
Joseph?” Rapunzel said, she sounded slightly disgusted, “Your
precious horse is standing right behind you.” I squinted backwards.
“Oh.”
I said flatly. Polo stared at me then nickered softly.
“Your
friend is a big idiot!” Rowan told Rapunzel. She laughed. I
scowled. That was hurtful.
“You
know you will get caught.” I blustered, trying to cover up my
embarrassment, my face felt like it was burning.
“Oh
we can get out of it easily.” Rowan said calmly as he tasted what
was not Polo stew.
“Have
you ever been caught before?” Rapunzel asked.
“If
not he soon will be!” I snapped. I wondered what this little snob
would say if he knew I was a prince. Probably make my father pay a
ransom for me. I scowled even harder. Father would be glad of the
excuse to be rid of me forever.
“Yes.”
Rowan said quietly, “It was almost seventeen years ago.”
“Seventeen
years ago?” I repeated, “How old are you?”
“I
am assuming it was before you were born.” Rapunzel said with a
smile, “And you mean it was your gang caught, not you.” Rowan
nodded.
“Seven
years before. My father and three of his brothers, they run this
group, stole some cabbage from a witch.” he said. I imagine that
went poorly.
“And
this witch caught them?” Rapunzel prompted.
“How
did you escape?” I asked. Rowan's eyes narrowed.
“Father
exchanged my sister for their freedom.” he said. Rapunzel choked.
“Gross!”
I said. What kind of vulgar no good father uses his daughter's life
to save his own wretched skin?
Our
charming little conversation was interrupted as two large men, with
hair that resembled straw stacks, entered the cave.
“So
what are we doing with these two?” the older man asked.
“Do
ya think we could maybe git a ransom for 'em?” the other one asked.
“Na.”
his companion grunted, “Look at there clothes. They is poor grungy
peasants!” I gritted my teeth, but kept my mouth shut. For once I
was thinking straight and not loosing my temper. The second man
pulled on his neckerchief and let his tongue protrude from his mouth
and his eyes bulged.
“How
about a sudden drop?” he asked. I felt my blood begin to curdle.
“Excellent
Nibs.” the older man said, “I shall fetch the others, you git the
rope.”
Once
they were gone, I let out a long agonized wail. You would probably
have done the same thing if you knew that you were going to be hung.
“We
are going to be hung and turned into crows meat!” I bellowed.
“Tell
your dumb friend to shut up!” Rowan said. Rapunzel inched towards
me.
“Joseph
calm down.” she said. I hesitated. Rowan drew a knife.
“UGH!”
I screamed. Rapunzel winced. Rowan rolled his eyes and marched over
to us. I sat up. A surprising accomplishment, if you consider that I
was tied up. I inched in front of Rapunzel.
“Fight
an unarmed man will you?” I snarled. He rolled his eyes again. I
was seriously getting sick of this idiot, with his eye rolling and I
am better then you attitude. He grabbed me by the neck. I closed my
eyes. The cold steal sliced through my shirt and barely grazed my
skin. I jerked my eyes opened with another yelp. Rowan was cutting me
free. Then he moved on to Rapunzel.
Once
we were free, Rowan grabbed Polo's bridle and led him over to us. I
reached for the saddle, but Rowan grabbed my arm and threatened me
with the knife.
“You
take your lady friend and get out of here.” he said, “The saddle
stays with me.”
“Why?”
I asked angrily, “That's my-”
“The
gems encrusted in the side will sell quite well.” Rowan said
smoothly, “They will bring us a fortune!”
“Monster!”
I snarled, but I put Rapunzel on Polo's back and climbed up behind
her. That saddle was a gift from my father. John had one just like
it. Justin and James also had matching saddles too. It was part of
the perks of being a twin.
Once
we had left the cave far behind, Rapunzel remarked on the fact that
there was no thieves anywhere near the mouth of the cave.
“It
is almost as if they wanted us to escape.” she said. What a fool!
Who complains that they escaped easily?
“But
they still got my saddle!” I grumbled out loud. Rapunzel kicked me.
It was an awkward kick since she was sitting in front of me on a
galloping horse.
“How
can you talk about a saddle at a time like this?” she cried.
“It
was my special saddle!” I mumbled.
“That
boy, Rowan.” she said, ignoring me, “He was my brother!” I
froze. How could he be her brother? What about her scary mama, and
sister Gothel?
“What?”
I squawked.
“I'm
serious, if they sold me for a handful of cabbage then that boy is my
sister! After all my mama is a witch!” Oh gross my future in-law is
going to be a witch?
Joseph
the very shocked prince
P.S.
I
did not say my mama was a witch! And she most certainly is not going
to be your future in-law, unless you are planning on marrying Gothel!
~Rapunzel
Me
again,
DUH!
Rapunzel
speaking,
What
is that supposed to mean?
Me
again,
Would
you leave my stupid diary alone?
Rapunzel
speaking,
Why
are you so grouchy?
Me
again,
I
am so not answering that!
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