Prince Charming's Diary, part 3

Prince Charming's Diary

Prince John

Day 8

I returned home and found my blasted horse all nice and clean. Ben was combing his hideously smooth and shiny locks.

“Oh good gracious, your highness!” he gasped.

“Whatever you were going to say, forget it!” I rasped and rushed inside. My priorities were to find a piece of meat and a tub full of hot water. But unfortunately on route who should I run into, but Master Won and my sister Elise. UGH!

“John, were in the name of great wonders have you been?” Elise cried, “Mother is worried sick!” Master Won took a lacy handkerchief out of his belt and held it to his noise.

“Where ever you were, it sure stinks!” Master Won said coolly. Then he walked off with mincing steps. I am so going to kill him one of these days!

“Oh John.” Elise said, “You are a mess, just like-” she pinched her lips shut and marched off. Some welcome! But it is strange, but I have never been compared to my twin before.

Day 9

I brought two razzleberry tarts and jar of cold nog. I figured I should pay for Ella Marie's berries with food. Mostly because I suppose I had no idea how much everything costs. I usually get my food already served on a plate or just shoot it and leave it for the servants to take care of. Ella Marie was waiting for me in the forest. She was sitting with her back to a tree. In one hand she had a stick thing with what looked like a pile of fluff on it. A string of fluff was running down to a spindle thing which she was holding in her other and spinning. The fluff was turning into string. It was almost like magic.

“What is that?” I asked, setting the basket of tarts and nog down and running over to her.

“You look different, somehow.” she said, as she sat up straighter. I looked down at my clothes. They were my oldest pair. Maybe three months old, and their was gold string. Maybe it was my hair she was talking about. It was brushed after all.

“I do not really think so.” I said. I went retrieved the basket and handed it to her.

“What is this?” she asked.

“Lunch, I suppose.” I said, “But could you please show me how to turn that fluffer stuff into string!” she raised one eyebrow.

“You want to use a spindle and distaff?” she asked. The names did not sound familiar, but it had to be better then dancing.

“Sure.” I said. So we sat there in the ferns, under the shady trees, eating tarts and drinking nog, while using the spindle and distaff. It was a lot of fun. But for some odd reason she seemed to regard it as a chore. Perhaps she would prefer to dance all day and could use the thingamajig. It almost seems like an unfair deal, though. When the sun started setting, we said goodbye. I suggested she come back the next day and bring her toy.

“Toy?” she looked down at the thingamajig, “I would never have called it that. But I cannot come, I have to go to the market.” Well that was disappointing. I was starting to think she could be a real friend.

“How about the day after?” I suggested halfheartedly. She shook her head.

“I must prepare a banquet for my sisters.” she said.

“Then can I at least help?” I asked dismally. If I could not escape into the woods and use the spindle and distaff again, I would have to stay home and take dancing lessons from shorty.

“You want to help me cook?” she laughed, “All right, meet me here, and I will come get you.” She got up and left. I can hardly wait. I am going to go help cook. It will be amazing.

Day 10

Today passed so slowly, but I was careful to get all my sword moves right, otherwise Sir Patrono was sure to complain to mother or father and I would have to spend all my free time practicing when I planned to be at Ella Marie's house. I brought the subject of the mysteries of cooking, to Elise and Jerome when we were perched on the fence pretending to study Ben's riding techniques.

“Ew!” Elise said, “Cooking turns your hands red and makes them all hard.”

“Not to mention all the bloody animals you have to touch!” Jerome laughed, “You gotta rip out their innards! SLURP!” He pretended to be sucking a noodle. Elise's face turned an unhealthy color. I smacked Jerome, and he fell off the fence.

Later as I was rummaging through the books in the library for my favorite one on Jack and the giant stalk, Master Won came and told me that my mother wanted to see me. I was certain that Jerome had complained about me shoving him off the fence. Nevertheless I marched into her chamber. She was sitting on her chair with her maids all around her.

“John, Master Won needs to finish your portrait.” she said. The dreaded portrait was the most repulsive thing ever. I had to sit on a saddle, that was perched on the back of a wooden beam. It was supposed to give the illusion of a horse. It gave me the illusion of a nightmare. To make matters worse, I had to sit absolutely still with my drawn sword held above my head. It had taken almost two years so far. Now all that was left was the face. I had just begun to hope they had forgotten. The ridiculous horse contraption was in mother's own chamber. She wanted to to oversee the painting herself. I went and changed into my stupid jacket with the gold braid, then got onto the back of the most uncomfortable shiniest saddle in the kingdom. I held my sword up while Master Won pulled on his smock. He was humming a little tune about the victory that his people had achieved over something else, probably pigs, I do not know. Then he had to wet all his brushes, touch up various spots on the horrible painting, then he started on my face.

“Mother, why does it have to be done today?” I grumbled.

“Because your ball shall be announced in two days.” was the most unexpected of replies.

“My what?” I gasped.

“A ball is where you dance, of course.” Master Won said in his silly chirpy voice.

“No one asked you.” my mother said sharply.

“Or course.” Master Won said with a deep bow, which landed his head on his palette. Served him right.

“Why do I need a ball?” I asked.

“To find and marry a princess of course!” mother said quickly, “Your portraits are going to go to all the great kingdoms. You shall marry one of their most beauteous daughters.” I shuddered. How horrible. I would rather die then become the husband of a most beauteous princess with a silly name like Shaliezeralla. At least I had the tomorrow to look forward too.