The Diary of a NOT so Charming Prince, part 10

Before I post the story, I would like to apologize for the terrible puns. I did find them on the internet since I didn't know any.

The Diary of a Not So Charming Prince

Prince Joseph's diary

Day 21

After wandering around in a marsh for hours Punz showed up. I rushed to his side and hugged him. I was so relieved that the thieves had not killed him.

“That mangy mutt betrayed us, how can you embrace him?” Rapunzel asked. Apparently girls have no idea how true the saying about dogs being mans best friend, is.

“He is my faithful Punz.” I told her coolly, “He never betrayed me!”

“Hold on, I thought his name was Lasso?” Rapunzel cried. Girls sure are dumb.

“I changed it to Punz after I found out what a lasso was capable of.” I told her. It should have already been obvious to her. Rapunzel was silent for a while, except for the slapping sound as she tried to kill the mosquitoes before they drained all her blood. Then a glint entered her eyes. I tightened my grip on Punz's flee bit tin mangy hide.

“Let me tell you a few puns, Joseph. They are so punnily.” she smirked.

“Huh?” I gaped. The slow drainage of blood had obviously destroyed what reason she had.

“Did I tell you about the man my mama cut the entire left side of his body?” she asked. My hair literally stood up on end.

“She did what?” I croaked.

“He is all right.” Rapunzel whispered.

“He must have been very strong.” I said impressed, “It certainly is amazing that he is alrgiht. He probably lost some important parts of his- wait did you say all right, or alright?” My eyes started narrowing. This did not look promising. Rapunzel grinned. Was she making fun of me?

“Last week Gothel and I were arguing in the cellar.” she said, “Then a jug started coming at me.” I mentally braced myself. “Then it hit me! Gothel had thrown it.”

“UGH!” I screamed.

“It is a trap!” she cried.

“Where?” I yelled, and looked around wildly.
“If you spell part backwards.” she smirked. I stared at her, my eyes had narrowed to thin slits.

“What?” I asked grimly.

“I have a few jokes about unemployed people like you.” she said, “But I will not say them, because you do not work anyway!”

“Shut up! I yelled.

“I hope I did not ruffle you feathers!” she said sweetly. I stared hard at her. I had to think up a witty reply or live with those insults for the rest of my life.

“I see you are about to start on the bird puns!” I snarled, “Well toucan play at this game.”

“Huh?” she said. I felt a sense of peace wash over me.

“You know like the bird, toucan.” I pointed out, “You are so emu-sing.”

“Joseph, that does not even make any sense.” she said.

“You are so hawk-ward.” I smirked.

“JOSEPH?” Rapunzel snapped at me, “Your puns do NOT quack me up!”

“Your company is always a tweet!” I continued, feeling very pleased with myself.

“Sparrow me your horrible puns!” she snapped. She most certainly was not going to get the last pun in.

“Haha.” I laughed, “So now you are a mockingbird.”

“That is not even a pun.” she cried, I was about to lift my hands triumphantly, “You better not make me fly off the handle!” Blast! Punz was so getting a new name.

“Alright, I will beak careful!” I muttered. She turned and stalked off.

“Owl be right back.” she called over her shoulder.

“I am talon you that there is-” someone coughed and I clamped my mouth shut.

“Please do not move.” a cold voice from behind me said. I whirled, my hair literally stood up on end. I knew that voice.

“Mama?” Rapunzel gasped. A tall woman with stiff blond hair, yanked back in a bun was striding towards us. In one hand she held a hairless gray thing, which looked like a cross between a dead cat and deformed rat. The terrible mama of Rapunzel. The one that bought her daughter with cabbage.

“Rapunzel darling.” the woman said coldly, “I have been searching everywhere for you.”

“Mama, I can explain.” Rapunzel gasped. Her face had turned pale. I scowled. This woman had no right to treat people like trash.

“Madame why don't you leave the girl alone!” I snarled. The woman whirled and fixed a piercing gaze on me. I refused to wither.

“I am mama Gascony.” she hissed, “And you just made a mistake.”

“Goodbye silly little man.” Gothel's voice hissed from behind me. UGH! Why do these creeps keep materializing behind me. I whirled, just in time to see a stick swing at my face.

“Well this is hawk-ward.” I gasped, then I felt as if my head had exploded and everything went black.

Joseph the very much unconscious and totally punny prince