The Diary of a NOT so Charming Prince, part 7

The Diary of a Not So Charming Prince

Prince Joseph's diary

Day 14

Dear Persistent me,

So I went back to Rapunzel's tower today. Jaden said be persistent, so I shall take his advice. But believe me when I say that it is a hard job trying to be nice and persistent at the same time. I asked her what other uses there were for long hair besides using it as a ladder.

“Nothing much.” she admitted. I was more then a little disgusted.

“It would make a great swing!” I told her. We climbed up onto the roof of the tower and tied her braid to one of the turrets. Then we went good old fashioned rope swinging. Or in our case, hair swinging. It was a lot of fun until we crashed into the tower. OUCH! I skinned my arm and got blood all over her dress.

“Lets do something else.” she mumbled. So we went back into the tower.

Rapunzel got out some cloth and queer looking glass jars. Then she poured a stinging foul smelling brownish substance over my our cuts. She had to use a lever to pry me off the wall.

“Ouch!” I screamed, heedless of fast disappearing dignity, “OUCH! Call the physicians! The skin is burning off my shoulder! OUCH!” I grabbed hold of the drapes that covered the wall and was half way up them, before they ripped down.

“The skin was off your shoulder anyway!” Rapunzel told me. She had no sympathy at all. I think I hate her.

“So what else can your hair do?” I squeaked, once the burning had subsided in my shoulder. I made a vow never to swing on hair again.

“I can use it like a lasso!” she said.

“Like my dog?” I asked. What she had said made no sense at all. But I of course was to polite to say so.

“No, silly.” she laughed. She laughed at me? How dare her! I scowled angrily, as she tied the end of her braid into a loop. It looked like a hangman's noose. She walked across the room carrying the noose. I watched her warily. This did not look promising. She tossed the noose up in the air, and used the braid like a rope. For a few seconds she kept the noose dancing in the air, then she sent it spinning straight towards me. Plop! It dropped over my head.

“UGH!” I screamed. I should have realized she would try to hang me. I tried to make a dash for the window, but the noose pulled tight. I could not breathe. I grabbed at the braid and tugged. It got tighter. I dropped to the floor with an undignified gurgle.

“Oh dear!” the witch laughed. Then she pulled the noose off. I gasped for breath. I needed to get out of there.

“I am so persistent.” I croaked, “But it is killing me.” I coughed and took a few more deep gulps of fresh air.

“I am sorry.” she said humbly, “Do you want to see what else it does?” I backed away from her warily. This did not look promising. She untied the noose. I breathed a sigh of relief. A big sigh. Once more she went to the other end of the room. I edged towards the window. I was not going to be caught unawares this time.

“Ready.” I muttered. She cracked that crusty braid like a whip. As it snaked towards me, I yelped and started to climb out the window. The braid caught me in the face. It felt worse then the time James dared me to stick my head in a bee hive. I lost my balance and tumbled out the window. Then I died! The END!

“Sir man, are you alright?” Rapunzel screamed as she rushed to the window. I forced my eyes opened, and found that I was holding onto the braid. My feet were two inches from the ground and Lasso was licking my sore shoulder. I am so going to rename him!

“Just leaving.” I mumbled as I forced my hands to let go of the braid. I was running before I touched the ground.

Joseph the terrified prince

Day 15

Dear not persistent me,

So Jaden's advice was rotten! Therefor I must go to the next best. Justin! He must have something worth hearing. Of course if he tells me to be persistent and save a baby sibling I shall do something really harsh to him. Rapunzel is killing me! Jaden's advice is killing me too!

“You need advice?” Justin asked me in a very slow voice. Does he think he is a sloth or something?

“I need advice now!” I shouted, “Surely you courted Eleanor somehow!”

“She was asleep most of the time.” he said with a shrug.

“And to think I told you to speed up!” I snarled, “I think I know more then you do!”

“Saving her life might help.” he suggested, “Also getting hurt and lettering her take care of you.” Hmm.. not bad. Saving her life is a lot better then saving Gothel. I could always push her out of the tower, then rescue her at the last minute. Letting her take care of me will certainly not work. She already did that!

“Thank you for the advice my dear brother.” I said as I pounded him on the back. His blue eyes bulged.

“What?” he gulped. I had never realized that he actually resembled a dead fish, “Did you just thank me?” he has the brains of a dead fish too!

“Goodbye!” I shouted and took off. If I left right away I could escape having to talk with him again. Unfortunately Eleanor blocked my path.

“Whatever you are up to, don't take Justin's advice. In fact don't take any of your brother's advice!” she told me in a very bossy voice. Just as I was about to retort, I realized that she was a girl. So she probably knows.

“What do you suggest?”

“Find out what she wants!” Eleanor said, “Then give it to her!” What horrible advice.

Joseph who gets to much rotten advice.

Day 16

Dear perplexed me,

I did not go back to the tower yesterday or today. I still got to think. Maybe I shall go tomorrow or tonight. Should I take Jaden's advice and shove Gothel out the window. Or take Justin's advice and shove Rapunzel out the window. Perhaps Eleanor was right. Maybe I should just buy her as much sweets and roses as I could find. That has got to be her dearest wish. At least I assume it is. All girls seem to like that kind of rubbish.

I had a sparring lesson on horseback today, along with John and Jerome. So well the three of us whacked at each other, I asked for their opinions on Jaden and Justin's advice. I forgot that one should never ask Jerome a question.

“Well, I may not be an authority on the subject of ladies.” Jerome began, in that smug voice that meant exactly the opposite.

“Here we go again.” John sighed. He sounded bored.

“But I can assure you, no lady would ever appreciate being pushed out of a tower.” Jerome continued, “Nor would she appreciate you shoving her sister out. Also she would take the sweets and flowers, then go flirt with someone else.”

“I doubt that will be a-” Jerome did not let me finish, but continued ranting.

“But of course, all girls are overly romantic. Therefore your love would probably become more attached to you for throwing her out and rescuing her at the last second. It would be so romantic, that she would overlook the fact that you threw her out in the first place. Believe me if her sister is as attractive as your love, do not even dream about rescuing her after you throw her out the window. That would make you sister madly in love with you. Your love will grow jealous. So insanely jealous that she will poison you and her sister.” I shuddered. “Of course if you keep bringing her sweets and roses she will look forward to your visits. But in the end all you will have is a broken heart. As for you money, you shall be lucky if you have so much as a farthing left.” I knocked Jerome off his horse and galloped off. I had learned absolutely nothing.

Joseph who is suffering from an earache